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Courting for Engineers


Believe it or not folks, spring is finally upon us! As the cool winter air, will soon make way for the warm smell of concrete, its time for lovers to emerge from their study holes and let their love blossom. Like the growing sweat stain that will be snaking its way across the front of your shirt.

 

Yet for those who continue to languish within their dens, akin to the Beast looking miserably for his Belle, this can indeed be a daunting and stressful time. Fear not! We at Ye Olde Toike Oike have compiled a list of 4 tips that can help you in your noble quest to seek your beloved, while staying away from that horrid yellow orb in the sky.

 

1. Lecture Capture and Chill
This is the sort of argument every respectable couple has had – what sort of TV show or movie should they watch in the comfort of their homes and couches, away from the prying eyes of the ‘singles’. These situations can often get ugly, and for someone beginning to foray into this curious world of courtship, that could have disastrous consequences. Therefore, a brilliant strategy to reach common ground with your date is to watch lecture captures.
Yes, lecture captures. If the whole point of watching a feature length presentation is to eventually fall asleep in each other’s arms, what better way to do that than to put up a lecture on a good sound system and watch it at normal speed.

 

2. Take Them on a Picnic
The oldest and most effective trick in the book – a romantic picnic is the easiest way into a people/wopeople’s heart. Yet it is imperative that said picnic occur in a location that is appropriate to the mood. You might be wondering – gee, how is such a proposition possible, given my current financial status as a glorified high school student? Allow us to elaborate: Within SF is a place that, with its electrifying atmosphere and romantic fluorescent lighting, is sure to help you hack your way into your date’s heart. We are, of course, talking about the ECF labs. Impress your date with mind blowing syntax and comprehensive comments and we guarantee you, anyone would want your user input by the end of this date. However, we must caution you against bugs and segmentation faults — always check storage space before entering values

 

3. Get Creative
Confused about roleplay? Afraid to try something risque in the bedroom with your new beloved? We at the Toike would like to humbly present some ideas that are guaranteed to you go KABOOM all over them. The Blue & Gold Committee room can provide you with an excellent spot to get yourself all tied up (not to mention the dim lighting and basement dungeon aesthetic – dungeons are all the rage in the United Kingdom) . Or, you could appeal to your partner’s inner anima by displaying strength in a way characteristic of a male wooing his mate. How, you ask? Turn on your partner by patiently connecting to ‘UofT’ and ‘eduroam’. Finally, If you are worried about costs or indeed being caught in a compromising situation as visiting an adult store, you could visit the ECE labs to find all the electrical wires and clips to suit your needs

 

4. Switch into Arts
Woo your belovèd with classically romantic concepts such as free time, manageable amounts of debt, a GPA that you don’t have to mumble in conversation out of embarrassment, and perfect spelling. A few other benefits of such a switch are: (1) Unemployment will guarantee lots of time to spend together on romantic dates; (2) Impress your date by quoting theorists like Johnlock(e): (3) Amaze your paramour with your impressive beanie collection and the deep, reflective meaning of your infinity and japanese text tattoos; (4) Hold each other and cry when you realise that life is but a meaningless ride down a river that leads you nowhere and only ends with the eventual heat death of the Universe.