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Engineer Loins Not Up to Snuff


Torontonian engineer Boris Yezekael has been brought up on charges of negligence. Despite a spotless ten-year career as a civil engineer, he now stands to lose his iron ring, and many like him may face the same threat.
Yezekael faces charges after a playground slide he had commissioned snapped, injuring his own ten-month old son who was using it at the time. According to industry sources, the infant was not approved for use with that incline of slide, nor was it structurally sound to begin with.

“This is an increasingly common complaint,“ said a representative from the Professional Engineers of Ontario. “Kids these days just have lower tolerances than they used to. They’re loud, inefficient, and frankly their squash load is pitiful. Engineers need to be more responsible when coming up with these new designs.”

Professional engineers wear their iron ring in the line of duty to remind them of their responsibility, and losing it means losing their professional status.

“I wasn’t even wearing my ring when I made my little boy,“ said Yezekael in interview. “At least, not on my finger… Wait, are you writing this down?“

Ongoing investigations into the fragility of modern children has shown a decline in quality since whenever you were a kid, and suggests that the probable cause is whatever boy band is popular now.

The real concern, say watchdog groups, is that more load is being placed on these children as years pass. Critics are skeptical that these children can handle the increasing pressure, and are encouraging increased industry standards for relationships among engineers.

This initiative may carry some weight, as hard hat inspections are to be offered at the University of Toronto Sexual Education Centre.