Bar Fights Plummet with Temperature

In an impressive piece of independent research, University of Toronto graduate students have released a paper showing that inclement weather has a drastic effect of reducing pub skirmishes. The research suggests that not only are customers more content to nurse their drinks than pick fights, but it is also literally too cold to take it outside.

Vaccine Vaccines Gain Traction

Concerns about the contents and potential hazards of vaccines have grown over the last several years. Today, many parents are opting against the ostensibly dangerous procedure, accepting the risks of countless diseases.
However, some scientists suggest that additional steps may be necessary to protect children. Gavin O’Donney of the World Health Organization explains:

“I think the scientific and medical communities have come to the conclusion that the benefits of vaccines are far outweighed by their risks. So, as a parent, it’s important to take precautions so that your child doesn’t come into contact with vaccinations, or indeed anyone who has been vaccinated, and the best way to do that is to vaccinate them against it.”

Pharmaceutical manufacturers have been grinding up measles vaccines for the past few months to satisfy demand for measles vaccine vaccines. In theory, they will allow the body’s defensive systems to strengthen themselves by fighting weakened vaccine particles.

“I’m so thankful that we’ve been able to get Tommy vaccine vaccinated,” said a local father. “I’ve never felt safer knowing that my boy will be protected from trace mercury content by injecting him with thousands of shards of razor-sharp glass.”