Democratic frontrunner Bernie Sanders has drawn record breaking approval rates, despite being blatantly ignored by mainstream media. Sanders’ minions have turned to Twitter to voice their support, rallying behind #FeelTheBern. While it has generated massive traction, this marketing campaign has also had some unintended consequences.
In what the Sanders campaign has called “a gross misunderstanding”, the majority of the U.S.’s young left-leaning population has begun to #FeelTheBarn. With millennials rapidly vacating cities in favour of small farmhouses, America’s transition into an agrarian socialist state is beginning even before Sanders’ presidency. We talked to sociologist Ansoor T. Nammhierre for his perspective on the issue.
“This stunning demographic shift is having huge ripple effects throughout the country,” says Nammhierre. “With small, densely populated farmhouses full of horny young liberals, it’s no wonder that teen pregnancy rates are skyrocketing, as America clearly #FeelsTheBorn.”
Nammhierre also pointed out that Sanders’ incessant rambling about idyllic Scandinavian societies has affected naming trends among the #BernieBoomers: statisticians are staggered by the degree to which Sanderites of all races #FeelTheBjorn, populating rural America with misguided would-be communist vikings.
The catastrophic effect this hashtag has had on the fabric of U.S. society has people calling for Bernie to drop out of the presidential race, lest fervent Sanderites take up intense martial arts training, undergo radical brain surgery to induce amnesia, and destroy anyone who would stand in Bernie’s way: God help us all if America begins to #FeelTheBourne.