A start-up named “Tophat Bifocals” based out of The Entrepreneurship Hatchery at the University of Toronto has released a prototype of their flagship product that uses science to match arts students with ideal jobs.
The device is named “The Sorting Hat”, is the newest addition to the wearable tech craze.

Although the final version of the hat has not been released, the company has done extensive testing on the prototype and have already seen it match thousands of graduates with their ideal employer.

“After putting on the hat, the small LCD screen on the front promptly displayed ‘Tim Hortons’,” tells Psychology graduate Figmund Sreud. “There must be a problem with the software!”

The hat uses the same software currently employed by online dating websites to make sure each student finds the perfect fit. Personal traits are measured by biometric sensors installed under the rim of the hat and users are categorized based on their lack of useful skills and degree of desperation. A proprietary algorithm then takes this data and finds the ideal workplace for the user.

Based on statistics gathered through the product’s beta testing, the workplaces most compatible for arts students are Starbucks, Tim Hortons and Second Cup. This has caused outrage amongst leaders of the fast food industry because of the apparent biases with the device.

The founders of Tophat Bifocals refused on comment on allegations made against them regarding secret funding by the coffee industry.​