Torontonian engineer Boris Yezekael has been brought up on charges of negligence. Despite a spotless ten-year career as a civil engineer, he now stands to lose his iron ring, and many like him may face the same threat. Yezekael faces charges after a playground slide he had commissioned snapped, injuring his own ten-month old son […]
This picture from Julio* is spectacular. He took it from a tasteful angle that shows off his great slight curvature, perfect for hitting that g-spot. The inclusion of the scrotum is a wise choice, enhancing the recipient’s perception of his length. The lighting is soft and the background is not a distracting messy bedroom or […]
Let me begin by asking just what the fuck is wrong with you. Yes, you. Why are you still reading this shit? By now you’ve probably already spotted the four dozen typos and grammatical errors our editor has added to the articles. You probably stopped laughing after a few sentences in, or maybe you just […]
Here you are on the last page, and hey, now you’ve read all the headlines and think you’ve gotten all the good jokes out of this issue. What you may be failing to recognize, however, is that all of those articles whose titles you got a cheap chuckle out of actually contained bodies of text […]
The IEEE citation method is the standard for all engineering documents, but where it came from or how to apply it are mysteries lost to time. Luckly, we here at the Toike Oike have figured out how to imitate the process, or at least trick your grader into thinking that you know what you are […]
Bar Fights Plummet with Temperature In an impressive piece of independent research, University of Toronto graduate students have released a paper showing that inclement weather has a drastic effect of reducing pub skirmishes. The research suggests that not only are customers more content to nurse their drinks than pick fights, but it is also literally […]
TORONTO — A recent study by Dr. Fred N. Slip of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, in conjunction with researchers at Mount Sinai Hospital, has found that depression is at an all-time low. The results of the study show a drop from 30% to 10% over the past 5 years, with a continued […]
A start-up named “Tophat Bifocals” based out of The Entrepreneurship Hatchery at the University of Toronto has released a prototype of their flagship product that uses science to match arts students with ideal jobs. The device is named “The Sorting Hat”, is the newest addition to the wearable tech craze. Although the final version of […]
As research into generic modification continues, many couples have expressed their interest in designing perfect, custom-order children in the womb. Trials have already begun on laboratory animals and, frankly, I think that this is a deplorable idea. We as a species have enjoyed natural births for thousands of years, and we ought not trifle with […]
In an increasingly global society the line between the taboo and tolerable in media has become blurred. In a time where everything is sacred and being politically incorrect is met with force, at least one subject remains free game for journalists and public: the Toronto Maple Leafs. You cannot issue criticisms against North Korea or […]
