The UTSU board of directors presented a campaign today outlining their new vision for student sexuality on campus. This recommendation would present anal as the official sexual conduct of the University of Toronto. According to analysts, this standard would open doors and close drapes for students across campus, regardless of shape, size, or sexual orientation. […]
The inter-faculty bowling championships are fast approaching, and this year the team representing our very own University of Toronto TAs and contract instructors has high hopes for victory. Hours of work have been put into preparation for the tournament, and members of the squad say they are ready for action. The team captain, Ralph Picket, […]
Baseball is a Sport The International Olympic Committee has recognized baseball for nearly 100 years. It is a pastime of the United States and generally regarded as “American as apple pie”. The sport is also immensely popular on the other side of the world in Japan. Baseball has a ball as well as grossly overpaid […]
You Definitely Shouldn’t Miss That 9 a.m. Lecture by Your Superego You’ve already been skipping too much class as it is this semester. Remember Godiva Week? Of course you fucking don’t; you were plastered for seven straight days. The party’s over. It’s time to crawl out of bed, take a hot shower, and trudge over […]
Twenty year old Holly Crews was found passed out on a Pit bench last Saturday night. After being resuscitated and rushed to hospital, she was diagnosed with “Stage II Pitplaguitis” by medical officials. Holly explained her feelings later in interview. “Oh boy, the last thing I remember is hanging out with my friends on a […]
Following the purchase of the Toike Oike by the UTSU, the Union was voted to be the best students’ union ever. Of course, this didn’t come as a surprise to us. A landslide 114% vote for the UTSU reflects the incredible work that the Union has put in to provide University of Toronto students with […]
It’s not a mystery: guns are one of the worst inventions ever created by humans. With a simple pull of the trigger, bullets strike their targets leaving a small hole with such speed that most don’t even realize they’ve been hit until they collapse from shock. Gone are the good old days when getting killed […]
