TORONTO, ONTARIO - Toronto hockey fans were treated to a second Christmas this winter as - for the first time in 45 years - the Toronto Maple Leafs were able to bring home the winning cup.
The winning cup, picked up by Leafs Center Tyler Bozak, was purchased at 4:29pm on March 8th from the Tim Hortons at King and University. It was a large coffee, a double double.
"[It] was really hot when I first got it, way too hot to drink," remarked Bozak in a post-victory interview, "but I was able to hold it by only touching the plastic lid and bottom edges until it cooled." Upon finishing the drink, he rolled the rim upwards to find it was winner.
Bozak, who has been trying a more aggressive style of play this year, proved himself as the Leafs most valuable player in picking up the winner. However, he was also quick to credit his teammates for the role they played.
“Well, it was Reimer who first suggested that we grab coffee,” Bozak recounted, “so Phaneuf drove us all to the Timmy’s while Kadri fiddled with the radio in the front seat. Lupul helped navigate with google maps and Orr stuck his middle finger and yelled “fuck you” at a guy who cut us off. Once we got there, Kessel passed me a toonie because I didn’t have change. Then Van Riemsdyk screened the cashier while I slipped the toonie past her. It truly was a team effort.”
Leafs Goalie James Reimer was overcome by emotion as he spoke to reporters during the post-win celebration. “Seeing all the boys take a drink from the cup after we won was a really special moment for me,” he remarked, wiping tears from his eyes. “I’ve been dreaming about that moment ever since I was a little kid.”
The winning cup was brought back to the Leafs’ dressing room later that afternoon, and team officials have confirmed that, as per NHL tradition, each member of the team will be granted the privilege of spending a full day with the cup.
“This team has worked extremely hard all year,” coach Randy Carlyle said, beaming from ear to ear as his players’ raucous celebration continued. “They deserve to finally have a taste of success.”
The grand prize of a free hot beverage of any size was redeemed by Bozak later that day in the hopes of possibly attaining another winner. “It would have been funny to win another free coffee,” said Bozak, completely unfazed by yet another defeat, “but frankly, I was just pleased to win once.”
Meanwhile in Vancouver, riot damages recently exceeded $5.2 million after Canucks Left Wing Alexandre Burrows rolled his tenth "PLEASE PLAY AGAIN."