10 things only 90s kids will remember

If you grew up in the 90s you’ll be sure to remember these

Quiz: Are you 90?

Take this quiz to find out if you’re 90!

All-Star Complex Rampant Amongst Prepubescents of the Nation

March 1999 Citing greats such as Tony Hawk, Marky Mark, and one-time NBA All-Star Kobe Bryant, local thirteen-year-old badass and San Jose native Chris Simons has declared that he would like to get his game on and go play. This is the latest in a long line of public declarations on his online blog titled [...]

Economists predict smooth sailing through 2008

December 1999 From the very tops of the towers of Wall Street down to the roofs of American homes, everyone is feeling the boon of this economic surge that has shown no sign of slowing down. Local homeowners have seen unprecedented returns on their properties and, as one member of the community put it, are [...]

The advantages of slipping into a coma

It’s remarkable, really, what a little sleep can do for brain power. At least, that’s what Balzac resident Jack Winkle has claimed since coming out of his coma last Friday evening. Winkle was discovered in the local Picture Butte cinema in December of 1990, and is thought to have been turned comatose from exposure to [...]

Prof posts midterm study tips on Blackboard

Simply says, “get rekt”

Porn Executives Dubious of New “World Wide Web” Tool

March 1992 As many speculate on the impacts of the World Wide Web, a computer data storage tool accessible over continental distances, many industry experts are excited about the possibilities. This, however, does not appear to apply to the adult film sector, given the underwhelming reactions of pornography directors and producers when asked by the [...]

Pokémon Review

February 1996 Soon to hit the shelves is Nintendo’s newest game, Pokémons. In this game, you go around and explore the Kanto region, which is largely inhabited by creatures called Pokémons. You catch the Pokémons using Poké Balls, train them, and then do battle against other trainers with the ultimate goal of becoming the best [...]

Newly Elected Vladimir Putin Shining Beacon of Hope for New Russia

December 1999 After a long century of hardship and struggle, hope is finally blooming for the people of the Russian Federation with the ascension of reformer Vladimir Putin to the presidency. Under the oppression of the Soviet regime, the people of Russia had to contend with political restrictions, a wide-reaching state-surveillance apparatus, and a general [...]

James Cameron’s “Titanic” Review

November 1997 Okay dude, let’s be real here: James Cameron’s new movie, Titanic, is the BOMB. It’s dank. A timeless classic. Full stop. End of story. It’s the type of dope flick you’d show to your kids when you’re old in, like, 2020, and they’d still gawk at the special effects. The soundtrack is totally [...]

Gladys Porter Zoo welcomes new baby lowland gorilla: Harambe

September 1999 Visitors and animal enthusiasts have been elated to visit the Gladys Porter Zoo after the birth of a rare and endangered lowland gorilla. Born in May, the baby gorilla has been named Harambe and will be part of the zoo’s “Gorilla World” sanctuary. Harambe belongs to a critically endangered species of gorilla that [...]