Local Rapper Signs Drake

In an unusual role-reversal, Drake has been signed by local rapper (and now producer) Dolla Dank$, a Ryerson University student during daylight hours. Sources say that Drake has already begun recording his next mixtape at Dank$’s studio in the heart of downtown Toronto. “Man, we got top o’ da line shit up in here, man,” [...]

Dear Miss Ogeny #2

Dear Miss Ogeny, There’s this really hot girl in my APS tutorial, and I kinda want to ask her out. But I’m legit terrified of being rejected. But I also think she’s into me? But also not… I’m not about these blurred lines. How can I know for sure if she likes me? HELP. Robin [...]

D.L. Pratt Building Leaks SEM Images of Justin Bieber’s Dick

Talk about a news brief! Scanning electron microscope (SEM) images of Justin Bieber’s dick were recently leaked from the D.L. Pratt Building at the University of Toronto. A technician managed to snap a few high-energy images of Bieber’s carbon nanotube during a late night at the lab. The images caught the attention of some very [...]

Hillary Clinton Sexting Scandal

Soon to be Featured in Many Rap Songs

Dam Bursts on Hydroelectric Plant Cover Up

Shoddy Construction Found to be at Fault

Farmer Discovers New Vegetable, the Wikileek

A farmer in Southern Ontario recently announced his discovery of a new vegetable, the wikileek. Grown only in a special type of manure believed to be bull shit, the wikileek is said to be the next superfood with hipsters and health nuts (which have thus far been difficult to distinguish) buying out entire stocks of [...]

Movie Review: The Traitor

Starring Julian Assange and Edward Snowden

White Guy in the Group Orders Medium Spice to Avoid Looking Like a Wuss

Plan Backfires Horribly, Leads to Gatro-Intestinal Nightmare

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