Trudeau Administration Legalizes All Forms of Weed

PARLIAMENT HILL In a press release last week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated that weeds are now legal across Canada. “As promised, all weeds are now legal, including dandelions, crabgrass, and white clovers,” Trudeau announced to the press outside the House of Commons. “Canada’s gardeners need no longer live in fear of local law enforcement.” [...]

8 Reasons You Should Hire Arts Majors

I am one It’s pretty self explanatory, if you ask me. I’m an arts major. You or your company, for whatever reason, refuse(s) to hire arts majors. Maybe you’re upfront about it, or maybe you’re more subtle, requiring “technical” expertise for roles that don’t really need it. Maybe you’ve just had an unbelievably coincidental string [...]

Dear Miss Ogeny

Dating Advice that’s Totally Up to Date!

ToikeTV Episode 2 on Hiatus

Production for ToikeTV Episode 2, the highly anticipated sequel to 2014’s ToikeTV Episode 0, is now on hiatus. “After a long wait, I’m proud to announce that filming and editing for ToikeTV Episode 2 is on an indefinite hiatus. Instead, the cast and crew of ToikeTV will be taking their talents to Skule Nite,” announced [...]

Bayes for Baes

A Rigorously Mathematical Investigation of Romance

Toike Editor Forbids Publication of Nietzche Joke

Following his refusal to publish an extremely niche joke in February’s issue, Editor-In-Chief Ryan Williams once again shot down a joke that was put forward during an ideas meeting by one of the staff writers. This time, he claimed the joke was too Nietzsche, and that nobody would find it funny. In fact, his exact [...]

Ask An Artsci!

Dear Annie, Are there physical phenomena, such as wave function collapse or black holes, which irrevocably destroy information about their prior states? Smaar Taas Dear Smaar Taas Well, first we must ask ourselves – are there even physical phenomena? Given that we don’t really exist, the answer is clearly no. Also, I think I saw [...]

First Years Hot-Box Entire Pit

Firefighters Barely Manage to Control Blaze in Sandford Fleming Building

FBI Orders Internet Users to Hand Over All the Pornography for “Uhh… An Investigation”

WASHINGTON, D.C. In what is being described as an “unexpected” application of the All Writs Act of 1789, the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced on Tuesday the immediate seizure of all digital pornographic material in the United States. Describing the initiative as a “critical national security matter” the official announcement from the FBI noted that [...]

Student’s 27th Pencil Breaks During Exam

If Only She had Brought 28