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Republican Senators Explain Their Opposition to Federal COVID Restrictions

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

A rare moment of candor came out of Washington DC today as Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced why the Republican Party is so opposed to any form of federal response to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. “Well, you see, our position is that shutting down the economy will cost us more than letting hundreds of […]

I Am So Sick of Living Through History

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

I’m gonna make this short because I have not done nearly enough work on my thesis and I need to take a nap that lasts a whole week. I’m tired of living through history. Okay? I know some people – mostly right-wing dipshits – like to say that everyone goes through difficult times that define […]

I like my pickles fermented, not salt-brined.

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

While the history of the world has been a collection of people with equally distressing and confounding interests that were somehow related to one another, the one constant fascination that has, for the lack of a better phrase, made the world turn round is pickles. So, it stands to reason that for this glorious issue […]

Local Child Regrets Wish

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

After the nightmare that was 2020, many people in the world justifiably assumed that some malevolent being was controlling the events of the year. Some thought that Satan himself had gotten control of the world somehow. Others thought that the deep state (or more likely God) was trying to tank the US economy to ruin […]

Norm and Gord Discuss…. 2020

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is sponsored by Assassin’s Creed. It ain’t historically accurate but what would you rather do, go to a history class or go stabby-stabby in vaguely historical locales? That’s what we thought. Norm: Hi there. I’m Norm […]

Opinion: How Do You Learn History Without Statues?

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

In recent years, the so-called tolerant left has decided that statues of patriotic Americans (who declared war on America) fighting for States’ rights (to own other humans) are somehow offensive to the descendants of the people un-gainfully employed (and literally owned) by the people immortalized in publicly owned statues. Now, I’m not going to drone […]

Opinion: Why Indiana Jones Is NOT A Hero

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

It is a well-established fact that Indiana Jones didn’t factor into the outcome of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” but there’s a very important question about the history professor and archeologist that is too often ignored: is Indiana Jones the hero? The majority of the sheeple that make up our so-called society would likely scoff […]

Oracle of Phrygia Tells All About Gordian Knot: “I wanted to use the rope again”

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

GORDIUM, PHRYGIA – After years of silence, the Oracle of Phrygia, famous for prophesying that the person able to untangle the Gordian Knot was destined to rule Asia, has decided to finally speak out. The elderly man, who said we could call him Tim, explained that the entire prophecy was an elaborate ruse that ended […]

Point-Counterpoint: 2020 Has Been Just the Worst vs At Least We Got Rid of that One Joke

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

Alright, now that it’s history, can we all collectively say fuck you to 2020? We had continents on fire, a near miss on World War 3, and a global pandemic and that was all in like January! Can you think of another year when MURDER HORNETS would have gotten forgotten like it was fucking nothing? […]

Point-Counterpoint: We Fought Against Communism in World War 2 vs I’m Sorry, What?

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

We started World War 2 to fight the commies in Russia and to keep communism from taking over France. My father fought hard to liberate the French from socialism and communism, and I intend to continue that fight in the Senate. I’m sorry, what? Here we go. Another triggered lib who won’t debate me with […]