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Pre-2010 Internet: This Shitshow’s About to Hit the Fan

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

When I was a kid, Apple didn’t exist. Or, it did, it just wasn’t popular. People got lost or had flat tires and other emergencies without having a cellphone. MTV was the go-to channel for pop culture and decent music. Bush flailed about, and Slim Shady was at his peak.  My, my, how times have […]

Point-Counterpoint: XBox vs PS2

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

Lemme start by saying that newer is always better. Which of these consoles is newer you ask? The XBox. That means better, hyper-realistic block graphics, higher quality games and a superior controller. Face it, in the console wars, XBox reigns supreme. Okay, you could not be more wrong. I mean, first the XBox is made […]

Point-Counterpoint: Motorola Razr vs Nokia 3310

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

The Motorola Razr is a masterpiece of style and function. The phone is sleek and fits in any of your cargo shorts pockets easily when it’s folded. And when you want to talk to someone, it contours to your face so you get crisp call audio. Not to mention how cool it looks answering your […]

Life Advice with Bob Ross Chia Pet: “You’re a Happy Little Accident.”

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

Hello there, friend. I’m so glad you could join me today. My name is Rob Boss, and today I’ll be teaching you about self-love and acceptance. Do the other kids at school make fun of you? That’s okay. I may be an animate Chia Pet, but even I know that you’re a pathetic piece of […]

In Da Club Penguin: Let’s Get Nasty

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

Da dun. Da dun. Dun dun.  Or so starts 50 Cent’s 2003 hit, In Da Club. Unbeknownst to many, Fiddy Cente was actually predicting the future. In Da Club is an overt reference to the rise of Club Penguin.  Cent’s iteration of “shawty its ya burfday” establishes the celebratory atmosphere of the cherished site, with […]

5 Songs from the 2000’s with Hidden Meanings

Posted on: September 15th, 2020

Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC (2000): On its surface, this song is about a toxic relationship and having the strength to cut that person out of your life. However, this song is clearly also about one’s relationship with God, and how, when everything in your life goes wrong, it can be tempting to blame some […]

The Case Against theonion.com

Posted on: March 9th, 2020

“Your Honour, today I would like to present before you a lawsuit against theonion.com. It has recently come to the attention of the Toike editorial staff that theonion.com has been plagiarizing the TOIKE OIKE for the last several years. Not only is this a gross miscarriage of intellectual respect, it is also…uh, illegal? Anyways, this […]

From The Toike Vault: The Family Circus “Kitchen Nightmares” 

Posted on: March 9th, 2020

During his time at the University of Toronto in the mid 1930’s, renowned cartoonist Bill Keane, best known for creating the comic strip ‘The Family Circus,’ developed his craft by drafting the Toike’s first ever Comics. Keane, a noted cooking enthusiast and opponent of vegetarianism, would often draw from his experiences in the kitchen to […]

ONLY EAT RAW ONIONS IF ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY: A Movie Review 

Posted on: March 9th, 2020

In preparation for this month’s Toike, I found it difficult to think of a film to review that was even tangentially related to onions. For hours, I scoured the internet for films with more than a passing mention of onions. And then, it hit me. It was so simple. A beloved movie from my childhood […]

Onions Are a Fruit – Prove Me Wrong

Posted on: March 9th, 2020

You know what annoys me? Not that you even asked – no one ever does – but man, onions are like, totally a fruit, dude. Just think about it, if tomatoes can be a fruit then why can’t onions? Tomatoes are probably more on the ‘berry’ end of the fruit spectrum, like corn.  Sometimes I […]