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10 Signs Your Roommate is a Satanist

  1. Taste in Music

Many people enjoy screeching loud heavy metal music, so this alone should not concern you, but the Satanic imagery employed by metal bands could point to more than a taste for aggressive bass and heavily distorted guitar. Side note: if you catch your roommate playing One Direction, be wary.

  1. Dark Environment

Of course, Satanists prefer dark environments in which to perform rituals. If the curtains in your room have become so dusty from disuse, you may still be in the clear, but keep reading to see if your roommate fits the other criteria.

  1. Burning Candles

If you awaken at night to the smell of burning only to see your roommate sitting in the midst of a circle of candles, it’s not a good sign. At the very least, they’re violating the no-fire policy at your residence. If a Ouija board or salt circle accompanies the flames, be prepared to host a spiritual visitor in your room for at least until the end of exams, after which they’ll have fed off enough misery and suffering to satisfy their demonic needs.

  1. Chanting

If your roommate’s 3 AM occult chants make you wish they were just the sort of person to hold midnight Skype calls with their most loud and obnoxious friends, try and cut them some slack. Chances are it’s just a spell to raise their GPA.

  1. Peculiar Tastes in Décor

Instead of the more traditional movie posters, photo collages, and string lights, Satanic roommates will opt for a darker decorative style. Technically, they’re allowed to decorate however they like, as long as they use adhesive tack instead of pins. That means that pentagrams are allowed, as long as they’re not scratching them into the walls.

  1. Disturbing Parties

Parties are an essential part of the university residence experience—but if your roommate’s fellow partiers show disturbing violent and/or sexual tendencies, make sure that everyone who enters the party also comes out. In fact, it’s better to vacate your room entirely during these times.

  1. Feathers

Feathers scattered on the floor are not always a sign of a pillow fight.

  1. Blood

If blood smears accompany the feathers, you may want to make sure the rest of the chicken isn’t lying around somewhere. You should also consider chatting with your roommate about cleaning up after themselves if this is the case.

  1. Disgusting Odour

If your parents are disgusted at the smell of your residence room, be worried. They survived the smell of your room back home, after all. Consider taking their protests–“it smells like something died in here!” –literally and searching under your roommate’s bed for the source. In the meantime, a little air freshener goes a long way.

  1. Skeleton in the Closet

Cohabitating with a cultist roommate can be tough. Considering the negative stereotypes associated with Satanism, many practitioners may find it easier to keep their religious affiliations secret. But if you discover that they have a literal skeleton in their closet, get out fast!