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Cowboys Demand NFL’s “Dallas Cowboys” Name Change

The Dallas Cowboys have come under fire from real life cowboys claiming their team’s name is cultural appropriation and offensive to the real men and women who call themselves cowboys (and girls).

“Honestly it just makes me feel sadder than a horse with no saddle,” said John ‘Big Buck’ Brown, a 5th generation cowboy. “To think that my livelihood, my identity, my calling, is reduced to a mascot makes me madder than… than.. well, gosh durnit, I can’t even remember what I’m madder than I’m so mad.”

The Dallas Cowboys are the latest team to have their mascots and name challenged and now join the ranks of the Washington Redskins, Cleveland Indians, Edmonton Eskimos, and Chicago Blackhawks.

“Everyone makes a big hullabaloo about Washington and their name” said Billy ‘Cow Whisperer’ Jefferson, “but no one bats an eye when the Cowboys come to town for Sunday night football. My momma raised me to be a straight shooter and by golly I am, so you know what? I’m just gunna say it. All mascots matter. Not just the racist ones, y’all hear?”

Unlike the fight against indigenous mascots, the push for a new name in Dallas football has gained little traction. No groups have come to support the “All Mascots Matter” movement while many actively oppose their claim that this is important or is even an issue. Many say that the team name “Cowboys” is perfectly okay and not at all similar to the Redskins, Indians, Eskimos, or even the Blackhawks.

Despite the lack of momentum, the cowboys say they will ride on. “Being a cowboy is a proud and noble calling and has a rich heritage, a heritage that doesn’t involve football,” said Big Buck. “I mean I’m from Dallas and I root for ‘em and all. And yes they’re 11 and 1 this season with a real shot at the super bowl, but I’ll be damned if any one of those so-called athletes could lasso a chair, nevermindin’ a running bull. Now we got city slickers getting drunk off Bud Lights tailgatin’ in a parkin’ lot callin’ themselves cowboys. Shameful.”