With this month’s Toike being History themed, now seems like the perfect time to publish my articles on pawn shops, conspiracy theories about aliens, and weapon forging. Most pawn shops are actually terribly unfair to thei– what?

What do you mean we can’t publish this piece because it’s off topic? Pawn Stars is one of the longest running shows on the History Channel. I don’t know, maybe because the stuff they’re buying is usually old, and therefore, history.

Listen, I’m confident that a significant percentage of our readers watch the History Channel and will therefore find this funny. Besides, there’s no way we have too many articles. Yes, I know he was excited about this theme, but he’s probably tired from exams and the dozen articles he wrote for the December issue.

So, can we publish it? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?