Toike Oike Logo

How the Wendish Crusade of 1147 is directly responsible for Vince Carter leaving the Raptors

When Pope Eugenius III approved the invasion of the Wends by Christendom, little did he know that he would someday break the hearts of millions of Torontonians. 

In 1147, a coalition of Germanic Christians ruthlessly slaughtered an untold number of Wends. 

Through a complicated series of terribly unfortunate events, Vince Carter became upset and demanded a trade causing many Torontonians to no longer believe in love after he left for the Nets.

Editor’s Note: The proof is simple and left as an exercise to the reader