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India begins colonisation of the United Kingdom

Following the outcome of Brexit, the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, has announced the formation of a Chartered Trading Company, the “North Seas Trading Company”, for the sole purpose of the colonization and development of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

“These people are uncivilized savages,” stated Hari Mukherjee, the Indian Foreign Minister, while reviewing the latest parliamentary footage. “This is no way to run a country. We had to intervene. It’s complete anarchy.”

“The company has been charged with the duty to “civilize and bring harmony to Europe, at any profitable cost.” This controversial move has granted the chartered company the right to formulate a standing army, and to utilize military force.

“Our goal is quite simple,” stated Kerala Governor Puneet Agrawal, while standing in front of a large crate labeled ‘definitely not opium.’

“We don’t want to do this, but they’ve left us no choice. We are going to bring peace and order to this backward land. If it just so happens that we make trillions of doubloons during the effort, so be it.” The enterprise further delivered a 20 slide PowerPoint to investors, bragging about the various projects to be undertaken. These included revitalizing the rail system to only go to shipping ports and nothing else, dividing Great Britain into several squabbling princedoms to “increase competition,” and develop Scotland into the “World’s Largest Cotton Plantation.” 

Downing Street has been reached for comment