From September 19 to September 20, 2018, an engineering student placed a recording device in an ArtSci’s brain and taped their inner thoughts for 24 hours. The following are the unfiltered recordings, compiled together for your convenience.

 

08:15:03 AM: What fresh HELL DO YOU HAVE TO THROW AT ME TODAY STARBUCKS? NO PUMPKIN SPICE? I PAY EIGHT THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS EVERY YEAR AND AND AND- [unintelligible screaming]

 

09:43:16 AM: What are you looking at, you punk-ass squirrel?! This is MY campus. OH NO, OH NO, ABORT MISSION, IS THAT A GRENADE LAUNCHER??! HOW?!! HOW?!! TAKE MY COOKIE PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE […] How… to… wrap… an… all-natural… organic… fair-trade… tourniquet… search…

 

10:23:57 AM: I can steal this sandwich, right? I pay tuition here.

 

12:37:21 PM: So she’s supposed to be here right? Yes, ok, front steps of Convohcashun Hall. I’m sure I can find her, there can’t be that many people here… fuuuuck. I absolutely need this $300 philosophy textbook

 

01:42:05 PM: A. Fully. Cooked. Meal. In class. Tuna. Five bucks says it isn’t even “dolphin-safe.” What? A carton of milk?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?! I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you…

 

01:42:10 PM: Ok, I just hate that you can afford milk.

 

03:24:56 PM: I can steal this statue, right? I pay tuition here.

 

05:12:19 PM: Why’s that guy purple? Did no one tell them that crystal violet is carcinogenic?

 

09:18:33 PM: This cult club looks pretty cool! Toyk Oyk? Is that Latin? Based on the roots of the word, it seems to be Latin. Possibly Greek, maybe Aramaic. I guess I might as well find something to do to fill my time anyways, since I don’t think there’s any homework…

 

11:56:39 PM: I can steal this vat of acid, right? I pay tuition here.

 

01:12:19 AM: CANNONS? AT 1 AM? Yes I’m still pissed off!

 

04:20:00 AM: blãze it.

 

6:66:00: AM: Am I afraid? Yes. Am I opposed to Satanic rituals? Yes. But do I want to be featured in the first issue of the year? …yes. OH GILBERT AND SULLIVAN, GODS OF HUMOUR AND CAMP, BESTOW UPON ME YOUR JOKES, FOR I AM BUT YOUR SERVANT AND YOU, THE MASTERS I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN MAJOR GENERAL. Ok, I can do this, it’s just Queen’s Park, it’ll be fine! WHAT the squirrels are HOWLING AT THE MOON?!? I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

 

07:23:04 AM: I just pulled an all-nighter because I still had sooo many readings left to do for next class. Wait you have how many hours of class a week? …oh. So Claire’s freaking out because she’s no longer two lectures ahead as usual, I’m freaking out because I haven’t done the readings, and you’re freaking out because there’s 233542 things you have to do?

 

7:24:54 AM: Anyone else wanna get breakfast? Just me?

 

A follow-up experiment will be conducted during midterms. No students were harmed in the making of this recording.