What’s up, true believers. I know it’s been a couple of months since Conspiracy Toike but exposing the truth knows no Toike themes. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of Google’s secret Furry agenda.

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking I’m crazy right about now. What kind of person would try to take on one of the biggest companies in the world? I’m probably gonna get the Toike sued. But we’ll win that lawsuit because defamation complaints have to be proven false and I have the facts.

Now, without further ado, let’s get into the “hiding in plain sight” conspiracy that’s trying to turn all of our children into animal-loving degenerates, or, as the children say, Furries.

And how is Google doing this, you may ask. Simple. GOOGLE DOCS. AND GOOGLE SHEETS. AND GOOGLE SLIDES AND ALL THE OTHER GOOGLE APPS!

They lure the children in by offering a simple, collaborative document development tool for free. They don’t require an account, so no one signs in when they are looking at the Doc. And then, WHAM! They assign you an “anonymous” Fursona and, all of a sudden, you’re a Furry.

Well, Google, I’m on to you fuckers. You wanna call me an Anonymous Wombat, that’s fine. But stop trying to indoctrinate the children into your perverted way of life, you sick walnut-crackers.

Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this piece are the author’s and the author’s alone. We at the Toike have not been able to discover any substantive evidence of a Pro-Furry Agenda at Google and do not wish to be sued. Quite frankly, we think Filip is just mad that he got an Anonymous Badger one time on a Google Doc and this is his way of coping. Just let him have this. Please.