This town ain’t big enough for the two of us
By: Rowdy McBadass Jr., Local Bandit
Around these parts, there’s only room for one gun-swingin’, door-bustin’, brawl-endin’, brawl-startin’, drink-drownin’ cowboy: me. So, sorry to rain on your parade there, bud, but you’re going to have to step over my dead body to take a walk on my turf. Unfortunately for you, this town ain’t big enough for the two of us. Now you don’t have to take my word for it, but ask anyone and we’re already scraping by for supplies. I can barely fit my two .69 Magnums up my holster without some punk feeling lucky. Heck, just the other day I had to shoot down Waldo because the place was too crowded, and I liked Waldo; you though, not so much. Now I’m gonna to give you one more chance to ride your mustang into another county, ‘cause mine’s taken.
The square footage is actually pretty good
By: Montgomery Jeffords, Unemployed Teacher
For crying out loud, I’m just a travelling teacher trying to find work. I came to your town because I heard it was in dire need of education, and I can see that my services are indeed needed. First, this town is actually rather decent in square footage, and there is plenty of room for the both of us along with the rest of the town’s population. I can estimate that given the town’s perimeter, there is roughly 2500 acres of land, and the population is only about 800. So that gives one person over 3 acres of land on average, and that’s before accounting for crowded saloons and bars. Further, Where’s Waldo is common reading material for boys and girls, not 38-year-old adults; you should let me lend you some higher-level reading material. Please, this town needs me; I can teach you how to count to 5, maybe even 6 if we’re feeling lucky!