You Definitely Shouldn’t Miss That 9 a.m. Lecture

by Your Superego

You’ve already been skipping too much class as it is this semester. Remember Godiva Week? Of course you fucking don’t; you were plastered for seven straight days. The party’s over. It’s time to crawl out of bed, take a hot shower, and trudge over to campus for a full day of classes. Before you know it, you’ll be in the middle of finals, wishing you knew what the hell was going on in any of your courses.

Do the right thing. It’s not too late to shape up. Sure, your GPA might already be fucked, but you can still pass the semester if you get serious, starting right now.

Just because you have an hour’s break after that lecture doesn’t mean you should sleep through both! You can totally spend that time on individual study, to prepare your mind for the next lecture.

Trust me; I’ve got your best interests at heart. No one wants to see you fail this.

It’s Really Fucking Cold Outside

by Your Warm Duvet

Your superego? Man, fuck that guy. He never wants you to do anything fun. Look at your phone. What do you see? That’s right, it’s negative 25 degrees out there. So what if it’s already March? Old man Winter doesn’t give a fuck.

Stay in bed and get some sleep. You’ve earned it. It’s so warm and toasty in your room right now. You can totally still catch that 11 a.m. class later. One more hour won’t hurt anyone.

You’ll catch pneumonia or something if you go outside in this shit. You should really start thinking about your health. It’s the responsible thing to do. Want to know what’s good for your health? Sleeping. It’s a science fact.

Come on, look at how fucking cold it is outside. They’re predicting, like, a foot of snow downtown today. You don’t need all that. You’ve got enough pain in your life. You can always catch up later.