In a scandal the British tabloids have quickly begun referring to as “Cumpocalypse,” the Queen has been caught saying the word “Cum” in a 1999 video which was accidentally attached to a Buckingham Palace press release Friday. News outlets quickly obtained copies of the video before it was deleted, and the video has been shown to every television and computer owner in the British Isles.
For a reaction from the British public, the Toike took to the streets of London to perform some impromptu interviews. We were surprised to learn, however, that Brits don’t seem to mind much at all. “I mean, it’s not too naughty of a word, innit?” said Amelia Boisterton, mother of three. “I wouldn’t say that in front of me kids, but I suppose it’s arrigh’.”
“The viewing party became dreadfully awkward once Her Majesty said ‘it appears you’ve left a spot of cum on the bed!’” reported Lucius Percival Wilmingsforth, esq., “But that was fairly mild compared to what came after.”
Some have even gone so far as to defend the Queen. “Haven’t you blokes got better things to do than ask me about some silly video?” asks a gentleman who wished to remain anonymous (we’re pretty sure it was Gary Oldman). “She’s the bloody Queen, she can do what she wants.”
Has London become too fond of this so-called ‘Queen’? This reporter thinks it’s time for a fresh new face on the throne.