Are you a goat? Find out with this Quick Quiz™!
1. What do you call your children?
2. How many cliffs have you scaled in the past week?
A. Only one, but it’s your home
D. More, but can’t count past four because that’s all the toes you can see.
3. If a vicious mountain lion approaches, you:
A. Viciously kick its face in
B. Offer it your sweet, nutritious milk
C. Impale it with your horns
D. Offer it your sweet, nutritious entrails
4. What do you produce?
C. Great sustenance for ancient farming civilizations
D. Viral Taylor Swift memes
5. What are your thoughts on Goat Simulator?
A. Pretty realistic, but the horns aren’t nearly big enough
B. It perpetuates harmful speciesist stereotypes
C. You were one of the dev’s models
D. You play it all the time when you’re alone, late at night
6. What is your name?
D. Be honest – it’s Billy isn’t it.
7. Which ex-Toike Editor-in-Chief do you most resemble?
A. Ryan Williams
B. John Sweeney
C. Colin Parker
D. Evan Boyce
If you answered mostly A, congratulations! You are a goat.
If you answered mostly B, you are a goat with some sheep-like tendencies.
If you answered mostly C, undoubtedly a goat.
If you answered mostly D, You’ve been a baah-baad goat.
If you’re eating this page as you’re reading it, you are a liar – goats can’t read.