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Stoned Ranger Challenged to Duel at High Noon

A local gunslinger known throughout these here parts as the Stoned Ranger has been challenged to a duel tomorrow at High Noon. The challenger, one young upstart goin’ by the name o’ Puffalo Bill, clarified shortly after initiating the duel that by “High Noon,” he actually meant just a little after quarter past four in the afternoon.

“It’s mighty surprising that I’ve already got a duel to duel so darn quick-like,” said the Ranger, “given that I just rolled up in town today.” Puffalo Bill, for his part, said he had wasted no time in challenging ol’ Stoney, because he’s a man who likes to do things the old-hashin’ way. He offered no response to accusation from frightened townsfolk that such rough behaviour might put a strain on the community.

As the two prepare for their showdown, not all of the local people are wary. Many guys and gals from the area are picking sides to root for, as both contestants have formidable reputations. Nearly all the local ranchers look to Bill as the paragon of cattle-wrangling finesse, and admire how he skillfully operates from within the kushion of the saddle. Conversely, a wide array of working ladies from in town are already reported to have given the Ranger hankies as a toke-n of their appreciation and support.

And so it will be that tomorrow, at 4:20 in the piping hot sun on a hazy dirt road full of potholes, with many a tumble-weed drifting by, there will be guns a-blazing as the two rivals duke it out like men. And when the smoke clears, we’ll see who is left high and dry. All citizens wishing to watch as the contest unfolds have been advised to bring snacks.