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Study Finds Republicans Still Hip

A new poll has found that the Republican Party is still as cool as your dad. For decades now, the GOP has been struggling with volunteer and voter turnout when it comes to the youngest generation of voters. It has been theorized that this alienation is a result of Republicans’ lack of rad factor, but this latest study from the American Values Today (AVT) research group tells a different story.

Of the nearly 6900 people surveyed, 82% said that the Republican party is better than burgers and shakes in their ‘63 baby blue Impala soft top, 77% stated that they would do the twist with a GOP candidate, and 70% agreed that Republicans are the coolest thing since that frigid winter storm in ‘54.

Pundits are not surprised by the GOP’s strong hold on young people’s political views. On NBC’s Meet the Press last Saturday,  political strategists asserted that they had seen this for years. “It’s not news,” claims Mary Bush, an analyst at AVT. “This trend has been silently going on for years. I’m glad that it’s finally public knowledge that we Republicans are both phat and funky fresh.”

When we reached out to the Republican party for comment, Mitchell Boaner, senior GOP staffer, had this to say. “It’s no surprise that we’re so minty fleek in the eyes of today’s youth. We stay hip with their lingo, we grok their jive, and we reach out to them with videos that have Taylor Swift music and these newfangled may-may things. We’re in da hood when it comes to attracting a younger, more diverse group to perpetuate our vision of hegemony. For real. We’re even hotter than Democrat Bill Clinton’s sizzling sex scandal.”

To the Republican Party’s critics, he adds, “Twits be unappreciating. Don’t worry – if you don’t think we’re hip, I’ve still got one.”