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The Truth about Fidgeting with Wind Turbines

It was a breezy day as Brenda Turnwether stood up on the short hill, staring at the long row of white blades spinning on top of the nearby hill, before raising the spinning toy up to her eye. “You see?” she asked. “A perfect fit.”

Ms. Turnwether stands in the middle of a typhoon of hysteria after this local resident in the north of Sweden noticed a very unusual similarity between her fidget spinners and the giant machines located right next door. 

“You know, occasionally we grumble about the noise pollution and mountain pollution and panorama pollution from them, but most of the time we just ignore them” Ms. Turnwether said, “until one day I was playing with my favorite spinner, which is shaped like little meatballs, when I looked out through the window and realization struck.”

Ms. Turnwether promptly posted her brilliant realization to Reddit, where the discovery prompted mayhem across nearly every subreddit on the front page of the internet.

The Association of Fidgeters against Renewable Energy promptly released a statement blasting the world for the misuse of precious spinning materials. “Fidgeting is a valuable treatment, used to alleviate the symptoms of millions of ADHD individuals around the world every day. Spinners are NOT meant to stand up on a hill and provide zero fidgets to anybody.” 

Meanwhile at a press conference yesterday, The Community of Wind Organizers (which for several decades now has been rumored to be a cult headed by none other than Greta Thunberg who was preserved in an ice patch until recent global warming released her from her frozen cage) was pressed for answers yesterday, but appeared to be reluctant to address the outrage. 

“Actually, we never technically stated that wind turbines are not fidget spinners,” head spokesperson Notay Siko murmured weakly into the microphone in response to this reporter’s heated questioning.

Interestingly, now that the news has broken, religious communities around the world appear to be embracing the power of wind turbines. “Even God needs to release some pent-up energy. Support the movement to give the Lord more fidget spinners to spin” states one banner, posted outside a church in downtown Etobicoke where local congregants are appreciating the new insight into the value of wind energy.

Though religious groups have started to embrace wind turbines, the scientific community is raising alarms that such a significant increase in wind energy penetration could lead to a related increase in the number of nearby residents diagnosed with cancer.