BERLIN, GERMANY – Following the failed Operation Barbarossa, significant losses in the Battle of Normandy on D-Day and a failed attempt to contest the results of the war with Operation Spring Awakening, the Third Reich is now lashing out at soldiers in the field for “fraudulently continuing to count battles after Dunkirk”.
“If you look at the data from the actual War,” said Propaganda Minister Kaylie McNanny, “we actually won all of Continental Europe, were still allied with the Soviet Union and were poised to win Great Britain. But the Fake News Historians decided to illegally count fraudulent battles to steal the War for the Allies. However, we’re confident that our appeals to the Hague will overturn this injustice.”
Despite the Third Reich’s insistence that the War was “stolen” from them, they have yet to produce a shred of evidence to support this claim and their initial appeals to the Hague have been flatly rejected. Many of Germany’s staunchest allies, including Italy, have already surrendered, conceding the Allied victory, though Japan continues to contest the results in the Pacific.
Despite Germany’s unwillingness to concede defeat at this juncture, Allied Leaders are moving forward with plans for a post-War Europe that were previously discussed at the Yalta Conference. “No, we’re not considering a literal wall through Europe,” said President Roosevelt. “That seems like it would cause some serious problems. What kind of person would turn to man’s third invention to solve complex modern problems?”
The Fuhrer could not be reached for comment as he was hiding in his bunker considering his options for avoiding the consequences of his years of unlawful behaviour.