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Toike’s Angels Heat Up the Runway This Season

It’s that time of year – baggy sweaters and sweat pants are pulled up from the depths of our closets to fight off the cold winter blahs (and cover up those extra pounds from Christmas… and Thanksgiving… and Halloween… and last Saturday). But not everyone is suffering from that holiday food-guilt. Our favourite runway models, the Toike Oike Angels, hit the stage earlier this month for their much-anticipated annual Winter Wonderland Collection Fashion Show. Showing off their perfectly sculpted figures while simultaneously setting unrealistic standards for women everywhere, our Toike Oike Angels prove that they are as frigid as ever.

This year’s collection has taken a daring leap from the traditional Santa-themed winter lingerie. Many critics are on ice about the risky decision to cover the runway with more swimsuit-inspired designs. To counter this, lead Angel designer Victoria Sahkrette assures, “This change in vision may seem radical, but you’ll see that our Fire and Ice Water Collection is a brilliant testament to the unmelting spirit of our models. Plus, Angels will be getting wet come summer anyways. It’s a great way to cut our expen – er, be environmentally friendly.”

Of course, no Winter Wonderland Show would be complete without some shocking scandal. One Toike Oike Angel correspondent revealed that one of the angels had allegedly “Netflix and chilled” with another Angel’s boyfriend. This led to catfights and cold shoulders within the Angel team; every attempt to mitigate this conflict has only been met with bitter, icy rejection.