Following the purchase of the Toike Oike by the UTSU, the Union was voted to be the best students’ union ever. Of course, this didn’t come as a surprise to us.
A landslide 114% vote for the UTSU reflects the incredible work that the Union has put in to provide University of Toronto students with academic advocacy and hot chocolate with those little marshmallows in them.
When asked why she voted for the UTSU, one student explained that “we give them more than 40 thousand bucks a year. I don’t know what they do, but they must be good at it. I can’t imagine a better place to put the money I earn from my shitty summer job.”
Of course, there is reason enough to rate the UTSU highly here at the Toike. Following our purchase, the current Editor-in-Chief was replaced with the UTSU’s in-house copy-editor and a half bottle of rum. This can only come as an upgrade, and we foresee a lot of frank, open dick jokes in the years to come.
Graduate students in political science investigated the poll results and found that people who opposed the UTSU were mostly undereducated about the issues, or racist (their votes naturally being discarded). With little exception, everyone on the non-Engineering, non-Trinity, non-Victoria College parts of campus loves the UTSU.
“There’s really no reason for someone to not support the UTSU,” said one of the graduate students. “I mean, they represent what the people want, and you’re the people too, so you’re probably covered.”
Critics of the UTSU continue to whine, but as long as a handful of them are assholes about it be assured that the rest of them will be ignored.
