Toike Oike Logo

Issue: December 2020

Point-Counterpoint: Jessica Rabbit is Hotter vs No, Lola Bunny is Hotter

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

It is an undeniable fact that Jessica Rabbit is the sexiest cartoon in the history of film. Her sultry voice could knock a man out due to a lack of blood flow to the brain. Her fiery red hair would give a firefighter pause to approach her. And that body, oh my God, that body, […]

Point-Counterpoint: Thanos is Sexier vs Thanos Doesn’t Have Shit on Dr. Manhattan

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

Thanos is the ultimate Daddy. Ask Gamora. The man’s hands are big enough to choke Ant-Man at full size. And you know what they say about a man with big hands, right? They say that they have to wear larger gloves. And those larger gloves are perfect for closing off blood flow to your brain […]


Posted on: December 27th, 2020

Alright, ‘tis the season and all that fucking bullshit so I think now’s as good a time as any to make this Public Service Announcement, so here goes. This Holiday Season, a lot of you little shits are probably gonna be constructing your own snowmen and snowwomen and you probably have a particular snowman in […]

Real-Life Cumberbitches Discuss His Career

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

With the second Doctor Strange movie on the horizon and literally nothing else to do during the pandemic, I decided to convene the first annual Council of the Cumberbitches via Zoom to conclusively determine once and for all which of our Lord and Saviour Bartleby Cumbersome’s many roles is the best. It was a decade […]

Sexy Septuagenarian Senator Stimulates Socialist Singles

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

I met him at the bar. He had thinning white hair, thick-looking glasses, and a neatly pressed navy suit with a Congressional pin on the lapel. It’s safe to say he wasn’t my type. Nevertheless, he approached me, bottle of Ensure in hand, and introduced himself. “Hello, my name is Senator Bernie Sanders. It’s very […]

“The Foot” has had enough of your shit, weirdos.

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

An increasing uproar from one of our most beloved heroes, The Foot, has caused people around the globe to perk up their ears. According to The Foot, who has told us that we can call them simply Foot, fame has brought more than positives. Foot claims that an increasing population has decided to express their […]

Top 5 Most Underrated Disney Films

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

What’s up Skuligans and Disney fanatics! It’s Patroike here with another Top 5 list. In honour of this month’s underrated Disney theme, we’re gonna be ranking the Top 5 Most Underrated Disney Films! Let’s get right into – what? They changed the theme? When? HALFWAY THROUGH THE IDEAS MEETING??? Well does it still have anything […]

Turned on by a Lightsaber: The Hacksmith Tells All

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

Popular youtube icon The Hacksmith, known throughout the web as an engineer who “take[s] fictional ideas […] and make real working prototypes,” is currently battling a lawsuit after an alleged break-in at his workshop. On November 19, 2020, James Hobson – known online as The Hacksmith – thought he was going to have a normal […]

Why is Everyone So Obsessed with Kronk?

Posted on: December 27th, 2020

Alright, I know Conspiracy Toike was last month but something weird has been happening since then and I need you guys to help me unravel the mystery. For weeks, the entire Toike staff has been obsessively talking about Kronk and I don’t know why. Now, based on the fact that the Toike is a reputable […]

« Previous Page