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Issue: February 2017

8 Household Imps You Can Summon

Posted on: February 14th, 2017

Even a beginner spellcaster can raise these cute lil’ buggers for help around the house! Do you ever find yourself having trouble keeping up with the daily grind of chores? If so, these eight friendly household imps are perfect for you. If you’re just starting out in the art of summoning, don’t worry! These helpful […]

Vegan Group Assures Members of the Twilight Culling of the Meats

Posted on: February 14th, 2017

In a barely lit auditorium inside Sid Smith, the voice echoed off the aging walls. “The end is coming,” proclaimed Grand Prophet Herb Amor. The acolytes sat up, causing their faux leather seats to creak in unison. Acolyte #24 shouted in excitement, dutifully explaining to new members there hasn’t been this much hope since 2012. […]

Mysterious Writing on Stall Door Helps Student Ace “Unpassable” Exam

Posted on: February 13th, 2017

U of T has seen many miracles in its long life, but few incidents have matched Jake Samuels’ latest surprising exam story. Walking into his MAT457 final during the first semester of his fourth year, he knew nothing and was ready to receive a failing grade, not to mention potentially surrendering his entire degree. After […]

Mr. Blue & Gold: Who is He?

Posted on: February 13th, 2017

After recovering from their week-long hangovers, engineering students at U of T were shocked to discover that Mr. Blue & Gold had mysteriously changed his entire physical appearance. The severity of the issue was overlooked until F!rosh were discovered screaming “drop your pants” at their Calc II WeBWork, hoping to remember what Mr. Blue & […]

10 Signs Your Roommate is a Satanist

Posted on: February 13th, 2017

Taste in Music Many people enjoy screeching loud heavy metal music, so this alone should not concern you, but the Satanic imagery employed by metal bands could point to more than a taste for aggressive bass and heavily distorted guitar. Side note: if you catch your roommate playing One Direction, be wary. Dark Environment Of […]

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