Alright, I’m gonna be honest here – I can’t draw. I mean, if I had any artistic talent, wouldn’t I be the Graphics Director? I specialise in diction and syntax, so let me paint you a word-comic. A four-panel comic composed of equal-sized rectangular panels. Panel 1 – A turtleneck-clad Steve Jobs stands […]
In a gesture that warmed the souls – but not the bodies – of hypothermic students everywhere, the University of Toronto graciously informed students this past 28th of January that classes after 6PM would be cancelled. This information was shared via text message sent at 5:52PM. Taking into account the obvious average travel time […]
Microsoft stunned investors this week with the announcement of Microsoft Pain, a new app for PCs designed to satisfy the depraved cravings of masochists everywhere. “This app is revolutionary,” said lead developer Dom Inato. “Auditory, visual, physical, psychological. There’s not a single type of torture we haven’t packed in here. And we’ve worked closely […]
In response to the Ontario Legislature’s recent announcement of a 10% tuition reduction across the province, the University of Toronto has announced that it will need to reduce and/or eliminate some of the services it provides to students. “With no way of replacing the funds lost by this reduction, we regret to announce that […]
Unsurprising reports have come in that Mechanical and Industrial Engineering Professor Suzie MyHall’s claim that she designed the Myhal Centre for Engineering Innovation and Entrepreneurship entirely on a napkin has been proven false. As part of an investigation into the Myhal building, Computer Engineering Professor Philip Anderdaughter, using his supreme hacking skills, managed to […]
In a shocking violation of academic regulations everywhere, The Toike Oike, the University of Toronto’s most-read newspaper per capita by individuals aged 17-25 standing directly in front of the newspaper stand on the basement level of the St. George Campus’ Sandford Fleming Building whilst wearing a leather jacket in the winter months while simultaneously respirating […]
Well, obviously Matthew is the better Senior Staff Writer. I mean he wrote most of the last Toike and probably most of this one. Hey, that’s no fair. Spencer helped too. Maybe he was just busy because he studies physics and not biology like Matthew. First, it’s biochemistry, molecular genetics, and microbiology. Second, are […]
This just in: Microsoft Paint’s bucket tool, when set to purple, is considered the only acceptable tool in the entire Microsoft Suite. Honestly, the title says it all, I don’t really have anything else to say. I mean, if you don’t agree, the problem is clearly not with me. It’s purple for crying out loud! […]
In a pathetic attempt to pander to current popular tastes in humour, the Toike Oike has recently scraped the bottom of the satirical barrel repeatedly by publishing not one, but multiple articles on the topic of publishing an article. With agonisingly cringe-worthy titles like “Toike Oike Writer Wanders Off” or “Toike Writer Pens Article […]
This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is sponsored by the AGO. The AGO – it wasn’t long AGO that we had guests. Norm: Hi, I’m Norm McLuhan, and this is my brother, Gord – Gord: Hey there! Norm: – and today […]
