Toike Oike Logo

Issue: January 2017

Point & Counter Point

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

This town ain’t big enough for the two of us By: Rowdy McBadass Jr., Local Bandit Around these parts, there’s only room for one gun-swingin’, door-bustin’, brawl-endin’, brawl-startin’, drink-drownin’ cowboy: me. So, sorry to rain on your parade there, bud, but you’re going to have to step over my dead body to take a walk […]

Local Outlaws Outraged at TTC Subway Service

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

The recent state of the Toronto Transit Commission has made some locals not only late for work, but also put them out of it. The near-20,000 annual subway delays are endangering the traditional culture and way of life of Wild West criminal families. “My great-great grandfather made a living out of abductin’ innocents from the […]

Indians Banned From Playground as Intense Cowboy & Indians Game Unfolds at Local School

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

Sunnydale Elementary School is this week’s source of obligatory racial tension, as parents and school faculty alike are up in arms over a playground game that quickly became, in the words of the board’s superintendent, “pretty fucking depraved.” “We are doing the best to mitigate the situation,” informed the superintendent. “I can’t make too many […]

Frosh Screams “S-K-U-L-E”, but Everyone Else is Done Cheering

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

Taken only moments before the disaster, this photo shows a face with the glow of innocence and no hint of impending regret. In a predictable yet seemingly unavoidable F!rosh Week F!aux Pas, an eager but hapless yellow-shirted first year was recently heard attempting to go for a 5th round of the S-K-U-L-E cheer, despite all […]

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

It has recently been observed by American cattle ranchers that particular groups of bison are prone to exhibiting violent responses in reaction to certain forms of hostility. In behaviour found to be prevalent in herds from the New York region, weaker bison that have faced abuse from more dominant specimens are regularly found to mimic […]

Manufacturer Recalls Blazing Saddles

Posted on: January 8th, 2017

A massive recall has been issued by Holdzerass, Inc. on their recently released saddle, the Colt 7, after widespread reports of the model bursting into flames when operated within the parameters of its normal everyday use. It is estimated that over 7,000 models have been recovered so far, with up to 69,000 still estimated to […]

« Previous Page