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Issue: March 2016

A Day in the Life of a Pirate

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

Pirate Stereotypes: An Investigative Report

Dear Miss Ogeny

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

Dating Advice that’s Totally Up to Date!

8 Reasons You Should Hire Arts Majors

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

I am one It’s pretty self explanatory, if you ask me. I’m an arts major. You or your company, for whatever reason, refuse(s) to hire arts majors. Maybe you’re upfront about it, or maybe you’re more subtle, requiring “technical” expertise for roles that don’t really need it. Maybe you’ve just had an unbelievably coincidental string […]

Trudeau Administration Legalizes All Forms of Weed

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

PARLIAMENT HILL In a press release last week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated that weeds are now legal across Canada. “As promised, all weeds are now legal, including dandelions, crabgrass, and white clovers,” Trudeau announced to the press outside the House of Commons. “Canada’s gardeners need no longer live in fear of local law enforcement.” […]

Toike Staff Resorts to Kidnapping Students for Slave Labour

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

During a particularly dry spell in the creative wells that usually generate content for this newspaper, members of the Toike staff have begun instituting the practice of snatching up students out of the corridors and forcing them to write articles in order to make up for the shortfall. When asked about the ethics of using […]

USA Establishes Regulatory Body for Sex Toys

Posted on: March 15th, 2016

The Man it Belongs to Claims to be “Filled with Joy”

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