THE ANNEX, TORONTO – Young adult and amateur alcoholic Karen Izsharen awoke one Saturday afternoon to the worst hangover in recorded history. Medical doctors reported that her headache was ‘so bad that it’s like it had a mind of its own.’ “I AM OZYMANDIAS, KING OF KINGS. LOOK ON MY WORKS AND DESPAIR,” throbbed […]
What’s up my fellow stoned cinephiles of SkuleTM? This month’s high movie review is gonna be for Marvel’s Doctor Strange starring Bureaucrat Cummerbund. I was on some pretty strong stuff for this one so I’m not sure what the fuck was actually happening in the film. I mean, at one point, I thought Crabapple’s hand […]
Howdy, everyone! It’s finally Naughty November time! To help celebrate this most dope of months, I’ve decided to pumpkin spice up your bedrooms by bluntly answering your smokiest questions about the dirty deed, the mature mischief, the slinky sensualness you all seek as well. This Virgin Sex Columnist will give nothing but the most […]
Ah, the subtle aroma of a high-brow joint while overlooking my estate’s hemp fields… truly an enlightening pleasure. Unlike the basest of pedestrian herb, I purvey only the finest of marijuana strains, and give counsel on how to best appreciate this refined tradition of “toking up”. Firstly, you need to know the essentials of […]
Once upon a time, there was an old widow who lived with her son, Jack, on their farm. Unfortunately for Jack and his mother, they were poor and barely had enough money to keep themselves fed. One day, Jack’s mother turned to him and said “Jack, we need to sell the cow so that we […]
With the legalization of marijuana now in effect across the Enchanted Forest, those citizens previously convicted of drug-related crimes have been anxiously awaiting a decision as to whether or not they will be pardoned. However, with Prime Minister Charming’s announcement that only those arrested for possession of a small amount of marijuana will be pardoned, […]
The Probabilistically Checkable Proofs Theorem, introduced by Arora, Lund, Motwani, Szegedy, and Sudan, among others, in 1992, states that every mathematical proof can be written in a format that allows probabilistic checking by making only a constant number of queries to the proof. The theorem – not only extremely interesting by itself – was a […]
Applications for University of Saskatchewan’s agricultural science program have hit an all-time high this year. Jonathan Maerys, recruiter for the program, offered the following update: “Registration for the 2019-2020 school year began on October 17, and already we have seen a sizable wave of applicants. Last year, we saw a total enrollment of 6 students […]
From September 19 to September 20, 2018, an engineering student placed a recording device in an ArtSci’s brain and taped their inner thoughts for 24 hours. The following are the unfiltered recordings, compiled together for your convenience. 08:15:03 AM: What fresh HELL DO YOU HAVE TO THROW AT ME TODAY STARBUCKS? NO PUMPKIN SPICE? […]
HAMILTON, ON – “I wanna throw up,” muttered Grant Kaplan upon arriving in Hamilton for a four-day, three-night stay. “There’s literally nothing to do here.” … *This article could not be completed due to their being literally nothing to write about the subject of the city of Hamilton*
