Toike Oike Logo

Issue: November 2018

Report: Tim Got So Faded he Faded From History

Posted on: November 22nd, 2018

RANDOM PARQUETTE, TORONTO – “Who?” asked a perplexed Sarah Carter, mother of Tim Hutchins-Carter. “I don’t have a son.”   Reports – or perhaps the lack thereof – out of the local gazette indicate Tim Hutchins-Carter, a local stoner, phased out of both spacetime and known history upon consuming nine grams of potent marijuana in […]

Aunt May Worried Peter Parker Hooked on Mary Jane

Posted on: November 17th, 2018

In Loving Memory of Stan Lee (1922-2018)   QUEENS, NEW YORK — Teenaged übernerd Peter Parker has become hooked on Mary Jane.   “It’s a serious problem,” sighed retired New Yorker May Parker. “He sneaks out every night. He thinks I don’t know… But I know what he’s doing. He spends all of his allowance […]

Toronto Stoners Re-Elect “Meh” in Municipal Election

Posted on: November 17th, 2018

Mobilising their typically sluggish voting power, the stoner electoral bloc was successful this past election in re-electing “Meh” to the government of Toronto.   “This is, like, a real victory for our culture, man.” Said organic hemp rope artisan and prominent stoner activist Chereighblossom “Norman” Rainbow-Anderson, in the aftermath of the election, “only, like, the […]

Elon Musk Self-Declared Martian Emperor

Posted on: November 17th, 2018

It has recently come to light that Elon Musk is currently on Mars, ruling over his rover subjects. A few months ago, Elon Musk sent his prized Tesla Roadster off into space, complete with a space suit as its sole occupant. Except that the space suit wasn’t empty. Yes, Elon had hidden himself in the […]

Norm and Gord Discuss Marijuana

Posted on: November 17th, 2018

This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is sponsored by Doug Ford. Doug Ford – now serving drugs, again!   Norm: Good day, I’m Norm McLuhan, and this is my brother, Gord – Gord: Hi there. Norm: – and today we’re gonna discuss, […]

Weed is Harmless

Posted on: November 12th, 2018

JEFF’S MOTHER’S HOUSE, GREEKTOWN – “Man, weed hasn’t ever killed anyone,” puffed Jeff Papadopoulos, resting his blunt on a pile of dry leaves and paper scraps, “Name one guy who died because of weed.”   Papadopoulos, 23, lives in his mother’s home just off of the Danforth. Built in 1918 and almost immediately purchased by […]

Eng Sci Reduces Monthly Course Load to 420 Hours!

Posted on: November 12th, 2018

In a surprise move from the Division of Engineering Science, there will be a one-time-only reduction of monthly course loads down to 420 hours for all students. While they did not disclose their motives for the massive reduction, some are speculating this could be a response to the recent cannabis legalization. Many also think this […]

« Previous Page