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The Kool-Aid man would absolutely win The Hunger Games.

Posted on: September 19th, 2021

Hunger Games? Well, hunger no more for your sweet and sexy battle royale winner is here…    A recently circulating hot topic was the debate of whether the Kool-Aid man was actually the jug or the juice. Assuming (keyword being assuming) that you are a reasonable being, the only correct answer is both. Now thankfully, […]

Why Winnie the Pooh is the Best Fursona

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Okay, I’ve got something really important to say so I’m gonna skip the lengthy preamble and get right into it. Winnie the Pooh is by far the best fursona in the world. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve come to this important realization logically. Firstly, Winnie the Pooh is literally always read […]

Theory: Kristoff Has Anna Dress Up as a Reindeer During…You Know

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Disclaimer: The following piece is not the product of The Toike’s reporting. The claims made by the author are unverified and should therefore not be misconstrued as facts. They are presented as opinions, specifically the opinions of the author and not the Toike. Though we have chosen to publish these opinions, we in no way […]

The Furry That You Used to Know

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Let me start off by saying that typing out this article physically pains me. My shoulders are cramping up, and my fingers feel heavy and hesitant.  Yet, here we are.  Allow me to preface by saying that this is all more or less a true story. Back in my high school days, I would spend […]

Point-Counterpoint: The Ancient Greeks Were the First Furries vs Have You SEEN Hieroglyphs

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

It is an indisputable fact that the first furries were the Ancient Greeks. They literally worshipped beings who transformed themselves into animals to have sex with mortals and sire obscure gods and demigods. Ever heard of Europa? Banged Zeus after he turned into a bull. How about Ganymede? Flew eagle-Zeus, if you know what I […]

Point-Counterpoint: Spit vs Swallow

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Alright, this is gonna be the most one-sided PCP in the history of this fine publication. Nobody swallows because swallowing is gross and unsanitary. Besides, this is usually happening right before bed and who wants to do that to their stomach right before bed? I see your point but…it’s just so tasty. Once it gets […]

Point-Counterpoint: Schrodinger’s Cat is Both Alive and Dead vs Um, It’s Definitely Dead

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Because we have not opened this box since we placed the cat inside, and because we do not know when the flask of poison inside the box breaks, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Only by opening the box do we collapse the wave equation to a single eigenstate of alive or dead. So, […]

Opinion: What’s Up with the Google Furry Agenda

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

What’s up, true believers. I know it’s been a couple of months since Conspiracy Toike but exposing the truth knows no Toike themes. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of Google’s secret Furry agenda. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking I’m crazy right about now. What kind of person would try to […]

Norm and Gord Discuss… The Easter Bunny

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is sponsored by Robin Hood, the app not the Furry Movie. Robin Hood – get your fair share of the stock market. Wait. No, not like that!   Norm: Hi there. I’m Norm McLuhan and this is […]

I’m Not Like Other Girls, I’m a Horse Girl

Posted on: March 5th, 2021

Hey boys, I’m not like other girls. I’m a horse girl. But I’m not like other horse girls either. Other girls wear high heels and dresses. I wear sneakers and jeans, unless I’m with my horse, in which case I wear nothing at all. Other girls ride bikes. I ride horses. Other girls hunt for […]