Harold Ng spoke out in outrage this week at trendy hipster establishment Cafe Bougéay, which recently celebrated both its grand opening and closing down ceremony. Mr. Ng’s grandson, Chicago Ng, was the one who recommended the cafe to his grandfather, as its hours of operation were from 11:00AM to 11:35AM, Tuesday – Thursday, coinciding perfectly with his morning walk.

Mr. Ng was outraged, however, when some “lousy whippersnapper”, as he put it, tried to poison the man’s morning coffee with a substance they labelled ‘Activated Charcoal’. Ng Had this to say, “It’s an outrage I tell’s ya. Back in my day Charcoal was used to power the mighty steam engine, none of this frilly fufu nonsense they’re putting in our drinks I tell’s ya. What kinda idiots do they take us for. Trying to feed us Charcoal. It’s a disgrace, a downright disgrace.”

We reached out to the store’s ex-owner, Mark Bougéay, for comments. “Yeah man, it’s just like a way of life you know, like it changes you. Once you make the switch to all natural organic paleo you just see the world in a whole new light, and our ingredients are always 100% organic guaranteed, we hand make them in store, I personally hand activate the charcoal myself.” We have no idea what the young Mr. Bougéay was talking about truthfully but we’re sure he means well.