You know what annoys me? Not that you even asked – no one ever does – but man, onions are like, totally a fruit, dude. Just think about it, if tomatoes can be a fruit then why can’t onions? Tomatoes are probably more on the ‘berry’ end of the fruit spectrum, like corn. 

Sometimes I eat onions like they’re apples. Other people totally do it too, it’s not just me. I’m not even one of those crazy health vegetable people. Whoooooaa, duuuude. Vegetable people? Now I’m like, totally thinking of, like, a carrot with arms and legs wearing a muscle tee and flexing about how he’s gonna go work out, and he’s totally a bro too. 

But yeah, that’s not me. I’m not a carrot! 

*Audible laughter, takes hit, passes joint to Gregory the Carrot bro, notices that Gregory is a vegetable, becomes shook*

Uhhhh, yeahhhhh. So anyways, onions? Totally a fruit. Have you ever noticed that tomato plants look a lot like marijuana plants? I do like my herbs and vegetables, not a big salad person though. This isn’t even really an argument dude; honestly how can you disagree? This should be common knowledge by now. 

I guess that I could write a whole big argumentative essay about it, but I’ve got the munchies real bad right now dude, and I gotta hit up 7/11. Peace and love, homeboys.