Most and Least Fuckable Game Controllers WHY I HATE N64 CONTROLLERS

This started as a ranked list but evolved into a vent piece as I realized I cannot fucking stand this controller. Any complaints I could think of for anything else were dwarfed in comparison to this nintendonian buffoonery. I am dead tired and out of fucks to give so here we go.

The N64 had some incredibly iconic titles across various Nintendo stories including Super Mario, Legend of Zelda, and more. I think. Not gonna Google it and don’t wanna out myself as a poser.

But this controller… my freaking God. It was designed to feel like a gun with a trigger, which is useful for immersiveness in, like, one 007 game. And I have never held a gun because I have hippie parents but I have a feeling nobody’s favorite parts of the gun are the MASSIVE HEAVY WINGS ON THE SIDE?!?!? It’s a workout to even hold this godforsaken horrendous thing up.

There is wayyyy less input compared to systems today, which is completely excusable. What is NOT, HOWEVER, is that FUCK ASS JOYSTICK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THING. Things like that make me sure that Hephaestus has abandoned us. My God you gotta like use your pinkie or your like veeeeeeery stretched thumb to reach it. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE TRIGGER.

You’ve gotten me started. The trigger is behind the middle weird horn thing. It is borderline unreachable if you grab this controller like a human would. It is not in any place where it would make sense for it to be. I singlehandedly blame this controller on men’s complete misunderstanding of where the clitoris is. Any time a man fumbles his way into your belly button or asshole, thank Nintendo.

Let alone trying to hit the trigger AND joystick at once. Impossible.

I refuse to dedicate any more words to this fuck ass controller. I hate it.

End of rant.