In a shocking display of productivity and misplaced passion, U of T’s Industrial Engineering students spent their Reading Week not reading, but optimizing the concept of Reading Week itself. Since my father (who I definitely have a loving and present relationship with) is an Indy 9T2, I felt compelled to cover this story.

Dubbed the “Efficiency-thon,” the event challenged participants to eliminate every possible second of unproductive time. “It simply isn’t fair that ECEs and CS students have the opportunity to prototype and build relevant resume fodder at hackathons,” said event organizer Caroline “Critical Path” Zhang. “We decided to give industrial engineers the chance to show what they can do.”

Participants had the option to participate in various challenges, including competitive Gantt Charting and PowerPoint speed runs, or create their own optimization project. 

The optimization projects prototyped applications in a wide variety of everyday activities, including hygiene, academics, and social life. This demonstrated the discipline’s versatility and agile ability to find employment in any sector.

One Indy couple headed straight to the ECE common room and attempted to apply Lean Six Sigma principles to their sex life to “eliminate waste.” If reinstated as Virgin Sex Columnist, I will write an entire article summarizing their cutting age research for a generalist audience without Green Belts.

Contestants were judged on their ability to minimize downtime, maximize caffeine throughput, and maintain a healthy work–life imbalance. One student was disqualified for spending 14 seconds “reflecting,” a term efficiency engineers reportedly describe as “idle processor behavior.”

The winning team automated their own burnout, reducing emotional processing time by 83%. Their prize: a job offer from Amazon (later rescinded due to layoffs), redeemable for one (1) unpaid bathroom break.