by BetterThanSnickers

Time travel, the next frontier after space, the oceans, and global warming. It’s a wonderful sci-fi concept I’m sure has been done to hell and back and would send us to hell in real life! Luckily, we exist in the year 2026, so there’s no reason to time travel anyway! But what if someone travels to us? Close your eyes and imagine: you’re standing in Myhal’s auditorium, and suddenly, you see a time traveller. Unfortunately, they just so happen to be probably the worst person you’d want to see, like that one Physics prof who won’t get off your ass. Regardless of your choices, I now humbly present my personal top five…

#5: 5T7 who comes from a time where TrackOne no longer exists

In a turn of events, I suddenly become an antique to this futuristic engineer, who would hail from a time where TrackOne has been reduced to atoms. Now you may be wondering, dear reader, why I would hate to see this person? Well, it means that we pitifully inhabit the timeline where inevitably, UofT realizes most types of engineering have no place in society, and we’re left with a bunch of ECE students. Truly, the worst timeline. But at least the AI software that they’ve coded for hours is somewhat optimized?

#4: Isaac Newton

This is just personal beef, and if Leibniz is there too, I’m punching both of them. Fuck Calculus. (and Newton’s laws)

#3: Me from 2030

So instead of graduating, my lazy ass decides to time travel to 2026?! I’m pretty convinced their ass isn’t even there to give me the lotto numbers for after I turn 19, OR give me the answers to any exams? There’s a good chance that they’re just there to laugh at me quickly and give me mild gender dysphoria. If there’s any consolation, I know the world doesn’t end this year! Which sucks. 

#2: That one 8T0 who wrote Galbraith x Ellis smut

This guy? Absolute legend. Unfortunately, I don’t want ‘em here for a couple of reasons, and hate them for it. Not only are they the progenitor of this blatant yaoislop, leaving no room for actual yuri, but they also probably hate AI! Which is bad; they’re supposed to love the thing that makes writing inherently worse. Shame on them for morality and ethics. If they stopped writing their mischaractered gays like people do today, maybe I’d consider them alright. Otherwise? Back to the past.

#1: A 6T9 Toike Writer

Now unc over here? May the Lord have mercy on their soul for how much hate I will have in my heart for them. Not only are they funnier than me for the “funny number,” but I bet they actually have functional jokes unlike what I’m trying to write. If it isn’t clear, I hate them. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate them. It enrages me to think about their leather jackets, the smell of cigarettes, and the high likelihood they may be smarter than me. In any case, there’s one thing they can’t take from us here today: our minimum wage and worse job prospects.