During a particularly dry spell in the creative wells that usually generate content for this newspaper, members of the Toike staff have begun instituting the practice of snatching up students out of the corridors and forcing them to write articles in order to make up for the shortfall.
When asked about the ethics of using slave labour, one senior staff writer said “We pay them just as much as the editor, not sure what they’re complaining about.” However, some outsiders have expressed concern as to how these students would be able to keep up with their assignments and studying, especially in the midst of midterm season.
“Don’t be silly,” continued the same staff writer. “They have much more pressing concerns to worry about, such as how they’re going to keep their remaining fingers, and how difficult losing those fingers will make it to meet future deadlines.”
A number of these slave-writers were asked about their situation, but they all declined to comment. Whether that had anything to do with the gags stuffed in their mouths is unclear at this time. One student proficient in sign language was able to convey that if there were any civil rights violations going on, they absolutely would not attempt to let people know via a covert message in the author’s name in the article.
