An incredible discovery by Western University’s Department of Carbohydrate Culture and Starch Studies has revealed a dark secret about a beloved film genre. Studies and analyses performed by the renowned Professor Leeroy Jenkins, a devout Pastafarian and avid gnocchi-nosher, have shown that Spaghetti Westerns are, in fact, 20% linguine on average.
“I first noticed this about thirty minutes into the original Django film,” explained Jenkins, “the average width of the pasta noodles was just… wrong.”
Though Jenkins’ study is still in its infancy, it has yielded several astonishing facts about some of Hollywood’s classic films. The classic Once Upon A Time in the Wild West has the highest recorded percentage of linguine, at approximately 43%. Django, by contrast, is only 10% linguine, with trace amounts of fusilli and tortellini.
According to Jenkins, such anomalies are also present in other genres. While investigating other categories of films, Jenkins discovered that stoner comedies, such as Pineapple Express, contain up to 10% rock, and only about 90% stone. Coincidentally, he found that rock operas are 90% rock, with the other 10% being comprised of pop punk and ska.
“I wonder what else Hollywood is hiding from us,” muttered the professor as he unpacked his lunch only to discover that his spaghetti and meatballs was, astonishingly, tainted with fettuccine, comprising 57% of his sacrilegious meal.
