This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is sponsored by The CIA. The CIA, we may be shady but so are beach umbrellas and they’ve never violated human rights. So why do you think we have? 

Norm: Hi there, I’m Norm McLuhan and this is my brother, Gord –  

Gord: Hey there. 

Norm: – and today we’re discussing Tinfoil Hats. 

Gord: Huh. I didn’t think people actually wore those. Doesn’t seem sanitary, eh? 

Norm: No? Why do ya reckon that? 

Gord: I mean, whaddya think they do with all the grease. 

Norm: Well, I don’t think they make ‘em outta used foil, Gord. 

Gord: Hmm. Seems kinda wasteful to not use the used stuff. Unless… 

Norm: What is it, Gord? 

Gord: Prolly nothin’ but, well, d’ya think people might be wearin’ these hats to increase the reflectivity of the Earth’s surface for solar radiation in an effort to counter the added greenhouse effect caused by all the hydrocarbons we’ve been burnin’ as fuel for decades, meaning they’re actually tryin’ to help solve a problem that big business and politicians have ignored for far too long? 

Norm: …that’s a nice thought, Gord, but Producer Gary just told me that they’re actually wearin’ ‘em to keep the government from reading their thoughts. 

Gord: … 

Norm: … 

Gord: So…they’re crazy people. 

Norm: Well, their brains have been bakin’ in the sun for years, Gord. It’s not their fault. 

Gord: Wait a sec, if the hats are bakin’ their brains, then the brain-bakin’ can’t be causin’ them to put on the hats. You should know that, Norm. Unless, the government –  

Norm: This has been Norm and Gord –  

Gord: GARY, THEY GOT TO NORM!