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Animal Protest against Ripley’s Affordable Housing Plan held at Nathan Phillips Square

A protest attended by various animals occurred a few days ago at Nathan Phillips Square, the goal of which was to prevent the municipal government’s plan to turn Ripley’s Aquarium fish tanks into affordable housing for low income residents.

As outlined in the previous edition of the Toike, the tanks will be drained of water, the animals extracted “dead or alive”, and the tanks sold or rented to tenants. This was one of many efforts to help solve the Toronto housing crisis, where many people are unable to find affordable housing and are forced to move into the middle of nowhere AKA Vaughan.

This move has proved incredibly unpopular with local animals, who have raised a stink and gotten social media users from across the globe to back them. They staged a protest to show support for the fish that are to be displaced and hope that this will make city council reconsider the project.

George, a local squirrel and the organizer of the protest, stated that “the residents of Ripley’s Aquarium were given a guarantee that they will be given a place to call home, and it is against the law for the Toronto City Council to attempt to take it away from them. It is the right of every being to have shelter, and this remains true no matter what they think or try to do.”

Rosa, the oldest sea otter in the world, flew all the way from the Monterey Bay Aquarium to participate in the protest. She called the council vote “rigged” and said that the plan is “a travesty that will set a terrible precedent for future generations”.

Another animal that flew to Toronto to support the cause was a goose from San Diego, who went unnamed. They said that the municipal government was “stinky and bad” and “John Tory is a fraud and I hope he loses the next election horribly and loses all his money and goes bankrupt and has to learn what homelessness feels like, because we animals suffer through it every day!”

Perhaps most ominously was one of the sharks that will be affected, who took to the stage to give a speech which included the ideas that they “could occupy the local IKEA” and “probably could eat the entire government if we wanted to, let’s be honest”.

Social media users on Twitter were generally supportive of the protest. User @poopymayonnaise said “fish rights are human rights”. @dril tweeted “stupid government thinking they can get away with taking the tanks from SHARKS. they have huge teeth! their skin can literally cut you! you are going to DIE”. The official account of Monsanto tweeted that shark fin soup is “kinda tasty im ngl”. Musician Taylor Swift was reportedly quoted as saying “who?” when asked about the controversy.

The city council could not be reached for comment.