Dear Annie,
I’ve been having this throbbing pain in my chest, and a sharp pain in my right arm. My friends keep telling me to see a doctor, but I dunno… What do you think I should do?
– Diane N. Tsik
Well, Diane, it certainly sounds to me like you’re literally dying right now. You should probably get that checked out. Speak to someone who is licensed to help, like your mom. Unbeknownst to most people, mothers are actually ideal for helping with situations like this, and could definitely give you better help than I can. If, however, you don’t want to – or can’t – ask your mom for help, there are plenty of professionals who can help you out. Let’s just hope all of your affairs are in order.
Dear Annie,
I need help! I don’t know what to do! I have 10 essays, 5 problem sets, 8 labs, and I need to design a more efficient desk by next Tuesday. What should I do?
– Stres Taout
Well, Stres, it certainly sounds to me like you’re literally dying right now. You should probably get that checked out. Speak to someone who is licensed to help, like your mom. Unbeknownst to most people, mothers are actually ideal for helping with situations like this, and could definitely give you better help than I can. If, however, you don’t want to – or can’t – ask your mom for help, there are plenty of professionals who can help you out. Let’s just hope all of your affairs are in order.
Dear Annie,
I tried to take an English course as an elective, but I had to read a novel a week. What the hell?
From,
Mathboy
Dear Mathboy,
First, breathe. I know that words can be scary for you engineers, and that’s okay! Literature classes are a lot less intimidating than they seem. Think of it this way: words are just like math, and you’re used to math as an engineer. Words, like numbers, are a series of symbols that represent certain values, strung together in a sequence that when correctly interpreted imparts a certain field of information. The only difference between yourself and a literature major is that the two of you are used to interpreting different groups of symbols, and for different lengths of time per set of symbols – you just need to work on your symbol stamina! And also you never get laid, and actual literature students get laid basically all the time.
Dear Annie,
Why does it seem that arts students never have classes? Like, do you guys never study?
– Stressed-Out Engineer
Dear Stressed-Out Engineer,
Of course we do! They’re just a half-hour long each, and we get graded by the rainbow scale (not to brag, but my GPA is mauve right now).
Annie
Dear Annie,
My girlfriend wants to meet my parents soon, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that. How can I let her down easy? She seems really excited.
From,
Commitmentphobe
Dear Commitmentphobe,
Step one: Go out drinking a lot every night, casually at first
Step two: Drink so much that your friends and family start to get concerned you need an intervention
Step three: Hear from your parents that they want you to come home, where they’ve planned an intervention for you with your siblings
Step four: Tell your girlfriend that your parents only want family home when you go back, for the family-only intervention
Step five: Realize your grades have gone downhill due to your drinking
Step six: Watch your girlfriend pack up her things from your place, having dumped you because she doesn’t even recognize the person you’ve become
Step seven: Fall seriously into debt to fund your habit
Step eight: Lose your apartment, your friends, and even your job
Step nine: Look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at you
Step ten: Head on home without worrying about your girlfriend meeting your parents!
