Dear Miss Ogeny,
There’s this really hot girl in my APS tutorial, and I kinda want to ask her out. But I’m legit terrified of being rejected. But I also think she’s into me? But also not… I’m not about these blurred lines. How can I know for sure if she likes me?
HELP.
Robin Thicke

Well, Robin, there are a few sure-fire ways to figure out whether or not she likes you. The most obvious sign is if she stares at you. Do you look over during tutorial and catch her looking? If not, don’t worry – some girls are shy. You can try staring at her to gauge her reaction, if this is the case. And if she’s not reacting to your looks, you can try to be more overtly aggressive. Or suggestive. They’re both equally effective, I find.

Another way to find out if she likes you is to ask her. If she says she doesn’t like you, then you’re golden. All girls like to play hard to get, so this is just her way of keeping the game alive. Bonus points if she calls you a “fucking creep” or something similar– that means she’s really interested!

Last but certainly not least, if she’s truly interested in you, she’ll perform the ritual mating dance. This will take place during the 53rd hour of the week*, so be ready. Make sure you’ve memorised the male half of the dance – if it’s not done perfectly, she may reject you for a mate who’s better on his feet.
Best of luck,
Miss Ogeny
*note that the mating dance follows the Mayan calendar, so calculate your dates accordingly

Dear Miss Ogeny,
My boyfriend and I are looking to spice up our relationship (you know, in the bedroom). Any tips for us? I’d really appreciate it!
Ginger Spice

My first tip for you, Ginger, is to tell him what you want. What you really, really want. If you want to do some kinky shit, he should be totally willing to, as well. Chances are that he’s already thought about it, but hasn’t told you yet. And even if he says he’s not into it, he’s probably lying. Guys like all types of sex, all the time.

Another idea that’ll definitely spice up the bedroom is to incorporate some toys. Specifically, some hot peppers. Jalapeños and habaneros are the favourites, usually, though some people prefer ghost peppers for that barely there sensation. Adding a little cinnamon or thyme wouldn’t hurt, either.

If these two tips don’t work, you can always try sleeping with his best friend. That’ll definitely add some spice and heat to your relationship.
Go get dat dick,
Miss Ogeny