Taken only moments before the disaster, this photo shows a face with the glow of
innocence and no hint of impending regret.
In a predictable yet seemingly unavoidable F!rosh Week F!aux Pas, an eager but hapless yellow-shirted first year was recently heard attempting to go for a 5th round of the S-K-U-L-E cheer, despite all surrounding Orientation revellers assuming that the chant had ended. Reports suggest this may not even have been the first time in one day that the unnamed freshman fell victim to this all-too-common blunder.
The head leedur for the group in which the catastrophe occurred, who also wishes (unsurprisingly) to remain anonymous, believes that nothing could have been done to prevent the tactless transgression. “There’s always that moment of fear you feel in the split second after the fourth time shouting ‘Engineering U of T’. You wonder, did they get it? Are these precious new F!roshlings understanding when it’s time to stop? Is everyone satisfied? And then, sometimes, you just get that icy chill up your spine as you hear some poor kid trying for a 5th.”
The almost terminal discomfort with which the gratuitous outburst was belted was only bolstered by the way in which the perpetrator entirely failed to play it off or at least snuff out the snafu with some speed. According to witnesses, the result of the misplaced yell was neither the unfortunate but respectable “S! K! U-L-E! …uh, YEAH!”, nor the drole and forgivable “S! …dammit…”, but instead just a disheartening trail-off as the turmeric-tunicked young pup entered the second line.
“It felt like I imagine firing a bazooka would feel, but the bazooka turned out to just be full of wet spaghetti,” said one bystander. “I think, in that moment, something inside me died.”
The culprit behind the ensuing moment of awkward silence and shattered enthusiasm throughout the frosh group could not be reached for comment, but this poor soul is undoubtedly still feeling the heavy burden of their sin. Local experts speculate that this same first year may have already been involved in other types of well-documented orientation altercations, including the “can’t figure out how to put the hard hat together”, the “mistaking short female leedur for other frosh” and the especially embarrassing “bruising nose on horse statue’s ball sack”. Some even assert that the anonymous young’n (shown below) is still at risk.
