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How Doraemon can help you with your problem sets

Hey you! Yeah, you! Are you an immigrant? Did you spend part of your childhood in another country? If you did, then I hope you’ve got your permanent residence or your citizenship because those international fees are… PHEEEWWW. If you are reading this and you happen to be an actual international student, then please forgive my comment, and know that you have my eternal respect.

I digress, that’s not what I meant to discuss. I was going to tell you, dear reader, about the time when I was casually working on my CIV102 problem set back in first year. I was deeply focused on drawing the free body diagram – really dragging my pencil on that fresh paper, relishing in the small “swoosh” of my tip creating delightfully incorrect forces – when I started unconsciously whistling the theme song from Doraemon. A classmate that was sitting next to me suddenly stopped her calculation to look up. For a second, I froze up at the possibility of being mocked by this chick I barely knew. Just as I was about to make up some outrageous excuse about being kidnapped by hardcore weeaboos at a tragically tender age and forced to watch it against my will, something magical happened: she asked me if the song that I was whistling was from the show Doraemon. My heart soared, and I was mind blown at the fact that she had recognized it. In fact, both of us were ecstatic because neither of us had been able to talk to any Canadian about this show before! This made me realize that I had just found something that all immigrant kids have in common: DORAEMON!

I’m not exaggerating when I say that literally 99% of us immigrant kids have grown up watching this show. Trust me, I would NEVER use hyperbolic speech. In any case if you were born in Canada, you’ll probably have no clue what I’m talking about. Google it right now (sign up to the Toike mailing list while you’re at it). It’s Do-ra-e-mon. Yes, it’s anime. Yes, it’s a blue, earless(?) cat. Maybe you’re judging me right for having watched a Japanese show about a cat robot that pulls crazy machines out of his front pocket despite the fact that he’s naked. A Kanga-cat, if you will. It’s okay – I would have judged myself for it as well if I hadn’t grown up with his delightful whiskers in my life. Listen, this show was like, on the level of Phineas & Ferb back at home. Go ask any of your immigrant friends if they’ve watched it or not (get them to follow @thetoikeoike while you’re at it). If they have, then I told you so. If they haven’t… well… statistics fail sometimes. The Toike Oike is not liable for any false information spread by its authors (not that we ever would), and also does not invest in R&D. 

Anyway, it was after I randomly whistled the Doraemon theme song that our friendship actually began – no, flourished. My friend was Asian. I was European, two students from two totally different cultures living in a foreign country, who would otherwise NEVER interact (again, you’re just going to have to trust me on this). Yet, as if our constellations collided, we both had watched Doraemon! Doraemon is like the point of intersection between kids from every non-English speaking country – our center, our very cultural core. What’s that? Deep-rooted cultural values or long empathic discussions that lead to a profound sense of understanding bring strangers together? Heck no, its Doraemon. It’s almost too wholesome to write about here. Incidentally, my newfound friend happened to be super smart, so she helped me with my problem set and I got a really good mark (and I didn’t even have to sell my body!)

So, here goes the moral of the story: If you were born in Canada and want to do well on your problem sets, do the following:

  1. Keep your clothes on. This is a degradation-free method. 
  2. Watch a few Doraemon episodes on YouTube 
  3. Approach an international student from your class
  4. Casually throw Doraemon into the conversation (how you do this casually is entirely up to you, good luck and I believe in you)
  5. Instantly become best friends with them/seduce them into loving you 
  6. Again, clothes are still on! Doraemon sometimes brings people…. TOO close together. Something about his thick thick thighs just brings out the passion in people. 
  7. Get your newly procured simps to do your problem sets. Chances are they have a way better math education than you (not your fault, it’s just the Ontario teaching system that failed us)
  8. Get good marks just like that!
  9. Oh, make sure not to make your new friend feel like you are just using them for math help (even if you 100% are). That’s just rude, what kind of monster would do that? Certainly not Doraemon-senpai.