Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?
Too much competition.
How do you kill a French vampire?
You have to stab them with a baguette. It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
Why don’t vampires use autocorrect?
Because they love Type Os.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a vampire?
Where you stick the wooden stake.
What do vampires drink at happy hour?
B-Positive.
Why are vampires so impulsive?
They don’t ever reflect on things.
How does a vampire pay the mortgage?
With crypt-ocurrency.
Why does no one like Dracula?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!
If a cup has had holy water in it, a vampire should never drink from it again.
There’s too much risk of cross contamination.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much.
Why is Dracula so reliable?
Because you can always count on him.
What is Dracula’s favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
Why do vampires prefer bottles to cans?
Bottles have necks.
What do you call a vampire hunter that lies a lot?
Bluffy the Vampire Slayer.
What do you call a vampire with asthma?
Vlad the Inhaler.
Why do vampires love the south?
Because of all the red necks.
“People still think there are vampires in Romania. But I haven’t seen one since 1645.” – Luke (probably)
What happened when Dracula posted prohibited content on Youtube?
A count suspended.
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Eerie!
What song did Van Hel sing when he killed the last clone of Dracula?
‘The Final Count down’.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire only sucks blood at night.
What do you call a short vampire?
A pain in the knee!
What do you call a slightly taller vampire?
A pain in the ass!
Carmilla’s such a smooth-talker
She’s such a Charm-illa
What do you call a slightly taller vampire?
A pain in the ass!
Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet?
He went from bat to verse.
What do you call the viking who was bit by a vampire?
Norseferatu!
Why are vampires very bad product managers?
Because they refuse to meet with stake holders.
How do you stop a vampire from breeding?
Don’t give it permission to come inside.
Why was 4 afraid of 5?
Because 6 7
Hey guess what??
6 7
