What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purrple.

Why are cats bad storytellers?
They only have one tail!

What’s a cat’s favourite movie? 
The Sound of Mewsic!

“If I lose all nine lives, send me to puuurgatory” – Chat Noir

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? 
“Let us prey.”

Why are cats so captivated by laser pointer beams? 
Why are you so captivated by reels? Stop judging the cats, at least they’re exercising. 

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The cat says, “A shot of whiskey.” The bartender pours the cat his drink. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar…immediately demanding, “ANOTHER!!”

What did the cat say after hearing a funny joke?
Lmeow

I have a pencil once owned by Shakespeare…
Thanks to the cat it’s so chewed up I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

A cat goes into a library and goes up to the desk and says “May I have some tuna fish, please?” The librarian responds, “Sir, this is a library.” The cat goes “I’m so sorry,” and whispers “May I have some tuna fish please?”

If an SUV runs on gas, and a Tesla runs on electricity, what does a cat run on? 
Their paws…

What does a cat therapist concern themselves with?
Feelines! 

How many lives does Schrodinger’s cat have?
Acceptable answers:
– It depends
– 4.5
– Nein (schrodinger was Austrian but they speak German i think idk)

What is a cat chemist’s favorite type of ions?
Cations- they’re pawsitive!

How did cats contribute to the double-slit experiment?
They made the CAThode ray!

How did cats contribute to the double-slut experiment?
They made the Cat-thot ray

Two cats are sitting on a roof, which slides faster?
The one with a smaller μ.

Where do cats go swimming?
The Kitty Pool

What did the cat say to the human?
Meow. (What else did you think it was?)

What did the human say to the cat?
Why did you piss on the floor? 

How do you get a cat off your lap?
You don’t. The cat’s in control, not you, peasant. 

What’s a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse?
Catch! 

Why do cats always love to sit on your laptop when you’re busy working away?
Because they can catch the mouse. 

Have you ever seen a catfish?
No. How do they hold the rod and reel?

Curiosity killed the cat…
But they have nine lives, you don’t have the luxury of fucking around to find out.