A massive recall has been issued by Holdzerass, Inc. on their recently released saddle, the Colt 7, after widespread reports of the model bursting into flames when operated within the parameters of its normal everyday use. It is estimated that over 7,000 models have been recovered so far, with up to 69,000 still estimated to be in circulation. The results have been devastating, with the rear-end explosions leading anywhere from assless chaps to chaps who have literally lost their asses (as well as their ass, if riding a donkey).

A retrospectively unfortunate marketing campaign, which labelled the model as the “hottest seat around,” has been quickly cancelled following the stream of accident reports that came alight. Tort litigation is being prepared, with lawyers across the country trying to reach out to affected consumers, using the verbose yet effective slogan, “Those assholes’ half-assed manufacturing cost you your ass, so let’s sue their ass and see their asses in an assylum!”

This has been the largest recall of blazing saddles since the 90s, when in 1894 a similar instance of explosions resulted in a mass recall as well. In that situation, forensic engineering showed that the accidents appeared to have been triggered by the presence of methane and other gases in the proximity of the saddle while being ridden. It is still unclear whether that is the case here as well; however, until more details arise, readers are cautioned to avoid mine shaft exploration, the use of gas lamps, and excessive bean consumption while using their saddles unless it is absolutely necessary.